Well folks, we’ve finally arrived at number one. The chart topping entry comes from my favorite horror remake of all time. It also happens to be a remake of my favorite film of all time. As a kid watching Night of the Living Dead ’90 on Monstervision, I experienced for the first time the “what the hell are you doing dumbass?” feeling we all know and love. That, along with the sheer inconceivability of anyone ever thinking this was a good idea, makes this one top the list.
This flick is chock full of dumbassery, but the crowning achievement belongs to Tommy. We all know the scenario. The zombie apocalypse has begun, and a ragtag group of survivors is holed up in a farmhouse. Ben, played by Candyman, has a truck but it’s low on gas. There is a pump out back, but it’s locked and there are a bunch of zombies in the way. Ben, Tommy, and Tommy’s girl Judy Rose decide to fight their way to the gas. By the way, did old farmhouses used to come equipped with gas pumps? Was that standard? That’s what I call convenience! Anyway, they get to the pump and discover that they have the wrong keys. At this point in the original NOTLD, Ben shot the lock off of the pump with what looked to be a .22 rifle. That was stupid. It turned out ok, and it is plausible that a really good marksman could do this with a weapon of that small a caliber without hitting the gas pump. Still a stupid idea though.
In the remake, Tommy tries the same thing; only he isn’t armed with a .22. He’s got a 12 gauge shotgun. A SHOTGUN! Have you ever seen someone smoking while pumping gas and thought “what a moron?” Maybe you didn’t stop to fuel there for fear that they might blow you up. Well, imagine seeing someone pointing a damn shotgun at the gas pump. Who would do that? It’s one of those things that should never even enter your mind as an option. He didn’t even try to knock off the lock with the butt of the gun. He just shot the freakin’ pump. I know it’s basically a rhetorical question, but how did that work out for you?
Big bada-boom. You more or less barbecued yourself for the ghouls. I honestly can’t imagine anything dumber. Congratulations Tommy, you are the winner of the ultimate Horror Movie Darwin Award by virtue of your firing a shotgun at a gas pump. Before I wrap this up, I’d like to thank everyone who has joined me on this voyage into cinematic idiocy. I hope you’ve enjoyed the countdown. If you did, leave a comment. Tell me what your favorite entry was or tell me your favorite stupid horror moment I missed. Ok folks, you know the drill by now, so say it with me…WAY TO GO DUMBASS!