Friday, October 31, 2014

What Halloween Means To Me '14: Vulvatron

A celebratory orgy of the macabre featuring elaborate costumes, decapitation, dismemberment, monsters, and fake blood EVERYWHERE!  I could be talking about Halloween, but I could be talking about a GWAR show.  I’ve always wondered how Halloween was celebrated on Scumdoggia, haven’t you?  Luckily, GWAR’s new frontwoman, the mighty Vulvatron, saw fit to grace us lowly humans with her presence.  So, Vulvatron, what does Halloween mean to you?

“On Scumdoggia we have a very scary Halloween tradition- everyone dons large pink fleshy suits resembling Earth humans... then we attempt to frighten each other with how utterly pathetic we look!  Then, we traverse the neighboring star systems and distribute tiny bags of crack to the recent offspring.  The local Starbucks starts serving Pumpkin Spice Lattes, which draw many attractive young females into our lairs for ceremonial Fall orgies. It is a joyous tradition.”

No more days 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  No more days 'til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock!

What Halloween Means To Me '14: Dyanne Thorne

There have been certain moments in my time as the Son of Celluloid where I can't believe actually happened.  Moments my teenage horror freak self would lose his mind over.  One of those was exploitation queen Dyanne Thorne, Ilsa herself, dictating this entry over the phone to me because her computer was broken.  You all know Dyanne as the She Wolf of the SS, Tigress of Siberia, and Harem Keeper for the Oil Sheiks in the Ilsa films as well as other classics like Hellhole and Blood Sabbath.  As you will read, she also appears in two new flicks this year; House of the Witch Doctor and House of Forbidden Secrets.  Click on those titles to learn more about them.  So, Dyanne, what does Halloween mean to you?
"About Halloween: I hate to sound too square, but the current dangers associated with the holiday really spook me.  Having made my share of horror movies, I understand how much we all seem to enjoy a good “boo.”  When I was a kid – last century – the fun of Halloween was awesome.  We wore homemade outfits, crazy makeup, and were safe to knock on every door we could manage.  We begged and pranked and ate every goodie that was doled out to us.  It was laughable.  It was fun.  Now it’s a new age.  This time I get to dress like a zombie and my husband, Howard Maurer, as Dracula as we party with our vampire friends.  Halloween can be fun.  I hope we can all enjoy it safely.  Howard and I make guest appearances in two new films being released for Halloween 2014.  House of the Witch Doctor (directed by Devon Mikolas) and House of Forbidden Secrets (directed by Todd Sheets) are both meant to scare the living beejeesus out of you in the safety of your living room in front of your TV screen.”
No more days 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  No more days 'til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock!

What Halloween Means To Me '14: JP of the Crazy Dave Tape Crew

At Days of the Dead Indianapolis this year, my life changed forever.  Fred Vogel stormed the screening room at 4am on Sunday, None of the drunken crowd who witnessed what came next were ever the same again, for we had been exposed to The Crazy Dave Tape.  It is the most insane mashup of movie clips, bizarre porn, weird pop culture stuff, and sheer insane awesomeness that you will ever see.  You are absolutely not prepared for what these mixtapes contain, but you need it in your live.  Check out their website HERE.  It carries the Son of Celluloid’s highest possible recommendation.  Anyway, I knew that I had to have one of the sickos behind this brilliant filth involved in this countdown.  Luckily, JP (the guy in the gorilla mask) was down for the cause.  So, JP, what does Halloween mean to you?

"Back when we were little turds, life primarily consisted of cartoons and pro-wrestling. Indoors, we had G.I. Joe guys getting their asses kicked by Cobra Ninja and the Baroness (who would always somehow end up molesting Lady Jayne in front of Destro), and outdoors we had a combination of Rambo meets the Road Warriors. Hawk and Animal teamed up with Rambo (under our leadership, of course) as we fought to regain control of central headquarters. Central headquarters was a shed with a few lawnmowers in it, by the way. Action figures, elbow drops, and imaginary gun battles pretty much dominated this little turd era.

Oddly enough, we never paid much attention to Halloween at the time. I mean, we definitely went out and scored candy, but the thrill of the night wasn’t really there yet. If your pal is Spider-Man and you're a fuckin' Ewok, basically Halloween kind of sucks. Really now, Cobra Ninja would mutilate Spider-Man (and then have the Baroness rip his dick off in front of Destro) and The Road Warriors looked like they lived on a steady diet of Ewoks! We always thought there must be something more to Halloween than oversized chipmunk suits and candy...

And then we discovered Fangoria magazine. Tom Savini. Creepshow, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Jason; this amazingly scary yet fascinating new world that we were probably too young for, but completely loved anyhow. That prick from Lifeforce—you know, the skeleton man with Ronald Reagan's hairstyle—between him, the father's day zombie, Ted Danson zombie, Freddy, Jason, Michael Meyers, Leatherface, and that contortionist fucker covered in tar from Return of the Living Dead, we were a bunch of scared little turds! Scared, but loving it; now Rambo and The Road Warriors were allies against Freddy and Jason, who apparently had a hangout spot down our street, in the woods. Yeah, basically it was our job to secure the street by keeping both Jason and Freddy at bay with a plastic bat (supposed to be a machete) and invisible grenades. This still happens on occasion.

Anyhow, this dark discovery helped us transition from little turds into little pricks; making fake blood with food coloring and Karo syrup (which never looked right), scaring our parents, each other, and generally acting like idiots. Then the realization struck like a machete through teenage flesh—we now had real reasons to celebrate Halloween! You could pretend that Jason cut your arm off, get fake blood everywhere, ruin clothes and possibly furniture, and not get in trouble! Sure, the candy was still pretty damn important, but being able to use and abuse our ever-growing collection of masks, appliances, and whatever other ridiculous things offered in the back pages of Fangoria became priority one!! Side note: I vaguely remember there being a life sized latex zombie-corpse for sale—via mail order—from one of the companies we ordered from...only back then, it would be delivered by an F.B.I. agent ready to escort you somewhere “safe”.

So basically, every Halloween our plan was the same: get candy, act like idiots, scare anyone wearing Spider-Man and Ewok costumes, run from older kids who we pissed off, and then get some more candy. Come home, listen to my older brother's metal records, eat candy, and draw pictures of Jason, Freddy, and Cobra Ninja doing various things. After the folks went to bed, the tradition of watching Scream Greats Volume 1: Tom Savini was generally observed. Either that, or a crappy SLP version of Creepshow I recorded from Cinemax—mainly because it also had a late night titty-movie on it called Fiona (which would be one of many recorded during this era). Classic Halloween memories, man...

Although this golden era didn't last that long, it was definitely birthplace for everything our mixtapes ended up being—a beautifully disgusting mess of laughter and horror, stitched together with a massive VHS collection that started way back then. And for us, Halloween over the years has become less about candy and more about acting like complete idiots in public without getting arrested. Well, more accurately stated; the modern Halloween candy is alcohol, and the results are generally more than we could get away with any other time of the year. So Happy Halloween to all you party-freaks out there!”

No more days ‘til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  No more days ‘til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

What Halloween Means To Me '14: Jack Sholder

Next up we have Jack Sholder.  He's best known as the director of Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, but his list of credits also includes such gems as Wishmaster 2, The Hidden, Alone In The Dark, and the excellent Tales From The Crypt episode Fitting Punishment.  These days he's at Western Carolina University passing his knowledge on to the next generation.  Instead of telling us what Halloween means to him exactly, he sent along some random thoughts on the holiday.

" *   I wonder what became of those boys who dressed up as their mother on
Halloween.  I tried Mom's high heels once. Not for me.
  *   I remember my son, now in college, putting so much candy in his pockets
that his pants fell down.
  *   Rotting pumpkins.  Is there anything more yucky than the inside of a
pumpkin or better than pumpkin pie. Carving a pumpkin is like making a sand
castle.  Eventually nature takes its course.  Celluloid is still around but I
wonder about digital media. Sent some old floppy disks to have the data saved
and there was nothing left on them that could be read.
  *   I hate holidays with an agenda.  I prefer ones like Labor Day where you
don't have to do anything.
  *   Halloween makes me sad because I see kids walking around in Freddy Kruger
gloves and my lawyer never got me a cut of the merchandising."

 1 more day 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  1 more day 'til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock!

What Halloween Means To Me '14: Nick Principe

I first noticed Nick Principe in his killer turn as Chromeskull in the best slasher flick of the last decade, Laid To Rest.  He also damn near stole the show in the criminally underrated The FP, and I can't wait to see his work in Ryan Nicholson's new movie Collar.  He was also one of my fist on camera interviews.  So, Nick, what does Halloween mean to you?

“Ahhhhh Halloween .... The horror fans holiday.  It just doesn't get any better than the month of Oct; haunted houses and pumpkin.... well pumpkin EVERYTHING! Going to CVS, or any store and seeing monsters and creatures cute and scary next to cheap crap make up and Scream masks. The billboards off the highway of all the haunts and hayrides makes you wish it was all year round.  
In my youth I'd start building my costume at the end of August cuz, like most New Englanders, we were broke !! But that's fine.  Having financial limitations can bring out a creative side you might not have known you even had. As a young boy I'd try to put together at least two costumes so I could hit my neighborhood twice and get double the candy.  If our parents were up for it, and usually they were, they'd take us to the nicer neighborhoods where they'd dish out the FULL sized candy bars and not the "fun sized" ones most houses had (and what's with the term fun sized? Why does that mean tiny??) As I got older the costumes got more advanced, the girls outfits got skimpier (international allowed to dress like a slut day as some call it), and house parties and cemetery parties replaced trick or treating.
In my late teens I was lucky enough to play music professionally, which took me around the world more than a few times and allowed me to experience Hallows Eve MANY diff places. Almost booking our tours around the 31st and making sure we were some place spooky for that amazing day.... like seeing the Cramps in Austin. Or how about the Michael Graves era Misfits in New Orleans? Or even better Paris France one year for Samhain.   But no matter where it was around the globe, the best place in the WORLD for Halloween is only 30 mins away in Salem, Mass. For the entire month of Oct, Salem embraces the evil "witchery " that took place in the fall of 1692 where over 30 young women (and a few men) met their fate by hanging, being burned alive, or being pressed (held under rocks until it crushed all your organs and you bled to death internally).  But now on Halloween it is just a GIANT party.  The cobblestone streets are blocked off from traffic and thousands from all over come in costume to drink and be merry and have fun.  And then the weekend before Halloween is Rock n Shock.  It’s my favorite horror convention in North America because they combine my two fave things, horror films/culture and punk/hardcore/metal music ! At the Palladium, bands are playing from  late afternoon into the wee hours of night and at the DCU center horror vendors and celebs mingle with fans of the macabre ! If you've never been, it's a sight to behold.  
I get asked a lot if, since I play monsters year round and spend countless hours in the make-up chair, why would I want to do that to myself on my days off? Why??? F@$king why??? Because I LIVE for this stuff !!! The entire reason I do what I do is because I'm STILL the lil kid planning his costume in August.   I STILL want be someone else for a night I LOVE a great costume that you can stand in front of someone you've known your whole life and they can't recognize you ! You aren't who you were on Oct 29th.  You're whoever you want to be. It's a silly reference, but I remember an old episode of Beauty and the Beast (with Ron pearlman and linda Hamilton ) where the only night out of the year that the beast could walk freely in the streets was Halloween.  All he would hear back instead of screams was "cool costume." And maybe deep down that's how I feel, cuz any other night I'm considered a freak.  But on Oct 31, I just have a cool costume and it's the freaks night to be themselves. So here's to all the freaks..... Have a great Halloween.”

 1 more day 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  1 more day 'til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock!

What Halloween Means To Me '14: Ellie Church

Ellie Church is a bad ass.  Plain and simple.  This former Tromette is well on her way to cementing herself as one of the queens of the independent horror scene.  This year saw the release of the fantastic Time To Kill, with Ellie in the starring role, and with upcoming turns in Adam Ahlbrandt's Hunters and the Found spin-off Headless, the future looks just as good.  She's also a really sweet chick and one of the people I always look forward to seeing at cons.  So, Ellie, what does Halloween mean to you?

"Halloween to me means shenanigans. Being  mischievous. As a kid, whether your parents were with you or not, you always felt like you were up to no good...and that was ok. I still get that same feeling as an adult, a kind of giddy childish feeling. I mean, I could toilet paper someone's house any other day , and while I would probably enjoy it, still not have the same feeling as I would doing it on Halloween night. You've got to have that smell in the air for it to work. Harmless mischievous fun, that's what Halloween means to me."

1 more day 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  1 more day 'til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock!
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