The Horror Movie Darwin Awards #9: Josh in The Blair Witch Project

I’m always amazed at the number of people who hate the Blair Witch Project. I have a sneaking suspicion that they were the ones who were gullible enough to believe that it was real and they’re still sore about being taken for a fool. Personally, I dug it. Whatever you think about the flick, love it or hate it, you can’t deny that in 1999 when it came out that flick was an absolute phenomenon. It is a film that has been copied absolutely endlessly. It also gave us one of the all time great stupid horror moments.

Heather, Mike, and Josh have been lost in the woods for days The three filmmakers set off to make a documentary about a witch that supposedly lives in these woods. They’re cold, hungry, exhausted, wet, scared, and more than a little bit on edge. To make matters worse, there’s something stalking them and toying with them at night. Then Josh reveals that he’s done quite possibly the dumbest thing you could do in this situation, and all hell breaks loose. You know, the actual scene is way better than anything I could possibly write about it. It’s my second favorite scene in the film, behind the hilarious “America the Beautiful” moment. Here, check it out.

Normally, I would embed the video here. For some reason, embedding has been disabled for this one. Click on these words to check it out. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Yes folks, he “kicked that f**king map in the river.” Betcha they don’t teach that in Boy Scouts. Never saw that on Survivorman. I don’t care if it was doing any good or not, I would much rather be lost in a vast forest with a map than without one. What I think I would be most afraid of, above even being lost, is Heather or Mike doing to him what I would do to him in that situation. Remember the tree branch beating in the Halloween remake? Yeah, something along those lines. So Josh, how did that work out for you?

No one’s really 100% sure what’s going on there, but I think it’s safe to assume that it’s nothing good. I bet you wish you had that f**king map now, don’t ya’? Congratulations Josh, you are today’s winner by virtue of your tenuous grasp on the most basic of wilderness survival skills. Way to go dumbass!