The Best Horror Flicks Of 2012 Part 1: 10-6

Before I get to the first half of my top 10 list, I’m gonna rant for just a sec.  It’s a rant you’ve heard from me before, but I’m gonna bang this drum as long as my banger still works.  Whenever I tell someone that I write about horror movies, they often say, “They just don’t make any good horror movies any more.”  When someone says that, I ask them how many independent horror movies they’ve seen lately.  Nine times out of ten, their response is “Huh?”  There’s the problem right there. 

One criticism I know I’m gonna hear about my top 10 is “But Nathan, I’ve only seen two or three of these.”  That’s because only two of my top 10 got a major theatrical release.  If you’re relying on your local multiplex for good horror, you’re shortchanging yourself folks.  I implore you, look deeper.  The good stuff isn’t coming out of Hollywood.  If you really want to see the best of what the genre currently has to offer, you’re gonna have to dig.  Not far, mind you.  Of the 8 indie flicks on my top 10, 7 are available at Redbox, on VOD, from Amazon, or are a simple google search away.  I’ve seen way too many top 10 lists this year that include mediocre major studio fare just because they only take big releases into account.  For the sake of the genre and for the sake of your entertainment, SUPPORT INDEPENDENT HORROR!

Look, I'm really not trying to sound like a film snob here, I just want more people to get a chance to see these kick ass movies.  Ok, now that I’m done proselytizing, lets get on with the countdown…

10.  Nazis at the Center of the Earth

I’ve spoken before about my love of The Asylum, the preeminent purveyors of mockbusters and SyFy channel guilty pleasures, but they outdid themselves here.  This gem is, in my opinion, the best movie ever to come out of The Asylum’s hallowed halls.  It has everything.  There’s gore, Nazi flying saucers, human experiments, gratuitous nudity, gunplay, lost worlds, and a perfectly played Dr. Mengele.  Yes, it has the over the top insanity that they are known for, but it’s got a darker, grittier, and nastier undercurrent than their usual output.  It makes for a potent b-movie cocktail.  The essence of this flick can actually be distilled into one scene.   Yes, this is a spoiler, but it’s the kind of spoiler that will only make you want to see it more.  Trust me.  There is a scene where Jake Busey performs a forced abortion on his own baby momma, then throws the stem cells into a machine that immediately gives birth to Robo-Hitler!  If you can read a sentence like that and not immediately add this to your necessary viewing list, there’s something horribly wrong with you.  I saw a lot of movies this year that may have been technically better, but I honestly can’t say that I had more fun watching any movie this year than I did with this one.

9. TIE: The Revenant and A Little Bit Zombie

Yeah, I know, a tie is technically cheating.  It’s my countdown and I’ll cheat if I want to.  In a year that provided us with a whole lot of godawful horror comedies, there was a pair of zomedies that got it right.  They both featured excellent comedic timing, good acting, crisp dialog, and quotable one-liners.  So many horror comedies are purely splatstick or “dumb comedy.”  While there is definitely a place for both of those styles, and both of these films embrace those elements, thankfully they also have brains…and not just the ones being devoured.  Both flicks also feature relatable, well-rounded characters.  The Revenant, in particular, had sequences that left me thinking “that’s EXACTLY what me and my friends would do in that situation."  I think I need new friends.  Anyway, I laughed hysterically at both of these, and I’m picky as hell about my comedy.  It’s the perfect ZomCom double feature.

8. Sinister

Take a bunch of tried and true horror tropes, throw in a couple of original ideas and interesting visual flares, and you’ve got the makings of a nice little creepfest.  I just saw this one last night, and it was a great way to close out my viewing year.  Yes, it’s painfully obvious where it’s going, but getting there is an entertaining ride.  There is some excellent spooky imagery.  Ethan Hawke does a good job in the lead.  There is even come awesome comic relief embedded in the dialog.  The “bedroom argument” scene had me rolling.  Plus, Mr. Boogie is just plain cool looking.  I’ve seen this film compared to Insidious in some reviews, but Sinister is the superior of the two in every way.  What really cemented this flick’s place on the list however, is that – I can’t believe I’m gonna admit this – this was the only movie I saw in a theater this year that actually got me with a jump scare.  In fact, it got me twice.  One of them I even saw coming a mile away and it still worked.  Well played gentlemen, well played.

7. Cell Count

Body horror came back in a big way this year, with Cell Count being one of the films leading the charge.  We can all relate to the fear of our own bodies turning against us and the unease of not really understanding what our doctor is doing to us.  Cell Count plays on these very real fears with a clinical ferocity.  This kind of claustrophobic ensemble piece requires good performances all around to work, and this cast definitely comes through.  I’m a sucker for mad scientists, and Dr. Victor Brandt is the best one since Dr. Heiter.  Director Todd E Freeman mainly sticks with practical effects, and when he does, they’re imaginative and messy.  By never revealing too much at one time, the film creates some real tension while still providing sick jollies for the gorehounds, which is a balance many can’t manage.   This refreshingly “old school” combination of the prison/isolation and disease/infection subgenres really gets under your skin.

6. The Collective Volume 4

Some of the best, most innovative filmmaking going on today can be found in short films.  Unfortunately, they’re criminally underseen because, outside of festivals, they don’t really have a showcase.  JABB Pictures is changing that with their Collective series.  The Concept: ten filmmakers each make a ten-minute film based around a central theme.  It’s basically an indie horror sampler platter.  JABB released volumes 3-5 of the series this year; and Volume 4, with each film tackling a different emotion, proved to be the epitome of what the series is all about.  From the gritty, nihilistic realism of Luke 1:71 to the gross out excesses of Epidemic to the faux grindhouse madness of Bloody Hooker Bang Bang: A Love Story, this one truly has something to scratch everyone’s particular macabre itch.  The Collective series gets my vote as the best horror value for your buck on the indie market right now, and Volume 4 is the best of the bunch…so far.

Come back tomorrow for 5-1.

UPDATE: 
- Nazis at the Center of the Earth, A Little Bit Zombie, and The Revenant are all available on Netflix or on DVD/Blu Ray.
- Cell Count is available on itunes, Amazon instant, VUDU, Playstation Network, XBox Live, and just about every other VOD service you can think of.
- All 5 Volumes of The Collective are available at  http://www.jabbpictures.com.  They're just 10 bucks each, or get all 5 (that's over 8 hours) for $40.
- Sinister, well, you shouldn't have a hard time finding that one. 

See, your old pal SOC made it easy on 'ya. 

Review: Nazis at the Center of the Earth

If you’re a horror fan worth your salt, you know all about the preeminent shlock flick factory known as The Asylum. You probably have a strong opinion of them too. This opinion usually correlates with how much of a film snob you are. Personally, I love The Asylum. They’ve been churning out mockbusters, Syfy channel staples, and direct to DVD gold for a while now, and they’ve provided me with hours upon hours of entertainment. They’ve also made me want to throw the remote through the TV a time or two, but we won’t go into that. I tell you about my love for them because I’m about to make a bold statement, Nazis at the Center of the Earth is my favorite Asylum movie of all time. That’s saying something. This is the epitome of what I hope for when I pop in one of these flicks. It’s better than Mega-Piranha. It’s better than Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill. It’s better than Death Racers, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, and King of the Ants. Hell, it’s even better than Freakshow, which was my previous favorite. I haven’t seen 2 Headed Shark Attack yet, but I can’t imagine it trumping Nazis at the Center of the Earth. This movie is everything a great b-flick should be.

As if the title doesn’t spell it out for you, here’s the synopsis: Researchers in Antarctica are abducted by a team of masked storm troopers. They are dragged deep underground to a hidden continent in the center of the earth. Here Nazi survivors, their bodies a horrifying patchwork of decaying and regenerated flesh, are planning for the revival of the Third Reich.

In one of the special features director Joseph Lawson says that Nazis is actually a mixture of 4 different genres. While I would only say 3, it is true that the film can really be divided into distinct sections. This works for a couple of reasons. For one, it allows them to throw every hair brained, whacked out, crazy ass idea that they could come up with into this movie. It definitely has an “everything but the kitchen sink” vibe, but it all fits strangely together. There’s more than enough “WTF” here for multiple flicks.

I also think the genre shifts were a great idea in that they keep you from expecting what’s coming next. We start off as an action/adventure flick. There’s a killer WWII battle scene, and then we shift to Antarctica, where a group of scientists and doctors are doing research. After two of them are abducted, a rescue team discovers a huge ice cave that leads to the fabled land of Agarta. After that rollicking start, this first part slows down a bit to establish the characters.

Then, when they are all captured by the Nazis, things get horrific REAL quick, and we’re not ready for what’s coming. This middle section is dark, especially for an Asylum flick. It’s Nazis doing human experiments, so we know it’s not gonna be happy funtime, but this has some really effective, and pretty gnarly, horror sequences. We have multiple face removals, a Nazi zombie shower gang rape, brains torn from still living skulls, rotting flesh, surgery with no anesthesia (feel the knife pierce you intensely), nasty infections, etc. Hell, there’s a scene where Jake Busey’s character performs a forced abortion on his own baby momma to harvest the stem cells. That’s hardcore! The gore is quite good, and the violence has a definite grittiness to it. Hell, if there were more gratuitous nudity (we do get some boobs courtesy of Maria Pallas), I would almost expect to see Ilsa step out of the shadows. I like this darker approach Asylum. Keep it up.

Then, 56 minutes in, something happens. Something glorious happens. Something so off the wall insane happens that we rocket directly into the gonzo crazy territory that most people associate more with these guys. The beauty is that there’s no way you can see it coming. After the tone of the last 45 minutes or so, this comes out of left field and takes the film in a completely different direction. From here on out you’re just on a thrill ride hanging on for dear life. There’s a Nazi flying saucer for crying out loud, and that’s not the craziest thing here. Let me repeat that; a Nazi flying saucer is NOT the craziest thing you’ll see in this flick. That’s not a spoiler either, by the way. It’s on the back cover. Anyway, I’m not going to say what the big reveal is, but it’s one of the best “did they really just go there?” moments in a long time. Trust me.

As for the actual filmmaking, this is one of the stronger Asylum features. The production value is outstanding, and it’s hard to believe this film was made for under $200,000. Sure, some of the CGI is freaking terrible, but I expected that. It’s as much a part of the charm of these flicks as bad rubber suits are for 50’s monster flicks, and I love those too. As I mentioned earlier, the gore was excellent. Joseph Lawson shows that he’s competent in his maiden voyage in the director’s chair. With a few exceptions (yes, you, the one with the baseball) the cast did a good job. Some of the strongest performances came from Jake Busey, Dominique Swain, and Lilan Bowden. The true tour de force performance in Nazis, however, is given by Christopher K. Johnson, who portrays the infamous butcher, the angel of death himself, Dr. Josef Mengele. He plays the sadistic surgeon of demise, sadist of the noblest blood in a way that makes him unnervingly calm yet menacing and creepy as hell. He’s exactly what I would imagine a Nazi doctor would be like.

This flick is damn close to being the perfect B movie. It’s a return to the Nazisploitation genre, which I love, albeit less sleazy and more bizarre than the last time we saw it in the 70’s. It’s got gore, gratuitous nudity, gunplay, flying saucers, lost worlds, and even r… woah, I almost said it. You have no idea how hard it was to review this flick and not spoil the big surprise. I absolutely loved Nazis at the Center of the Earth. Two severed thumbs up. Nathan says check it out. Heil Asylum!