Going off by yourself to investigate that mysterious sound is one of the old standbys when it comes to “what the hell are you doing?” moments. Seriously, how many people has that very act gotten killed over the years? It can’t really count as stupid, however, because it’s a logical thing to do. You hear a noise, and you see what it is. That's just the way it goes. However when you know what it is, and furthermore you know that it’s something that will probably kill you, investigating the strange noise turns from reasonable course of action to pure dumbassery. Case in point, The Birds.
Melanie, Tippi Hedren’s character, has been dive bombed by a seagull, a flock of crows has attacked schoolchildren, swallows invaded her boyfriend’s house through the chimney, her boyfriend’s mom found her friend with his eyes pecked out, and now the full force of the fowl’s feathered fury (try saying that three times fast) has been unleashed upon the town. People are being killed. It’s a full blown avian apocalypse. Melanie and a few others barricade themselves in a house, boarding up the windows Night of the Living Dead style. Like those ghouls, the birds are laying siege to their makeshift fortress. They’ve broken through the window. They’re trying to get in and take their talons to some tender Tippi tissue.
Late at night, once everyone else is asleep, Melanie hears strange noises coming from the attic. Lets put two and two together here. Birds have been trying to get into the house. There are windows in the attic, which she beheld her Beau badly barricade with boards. You can tell by her face that she knows what that noise is. Knowing that the birds are lying in wait up there, she makes the absolute worst decision possible. She goes to check it out. You know, if she’s the kind of woman who has always wanted to take on a whole room full of viscious peckers of all sizes and colors by herself, she could have just… actually, I think I’m going to take the high road and leave that one alone. Anyway, how did that work out for you?
Beak-fu! Needless to say those petulant peckers penetrat…um, nevermind. Enough with the alliteration. Lets just say the birds did a number on her. In soviet Russia, Angry Birds play with you! We’re not really sure if she lived through the attack she brought upon herself, as the flick ends with her friends taking her to the hospital as thousands of birds look on ominously. I like to think she died on the way. She was just too stupid to live. Congratulations Melanie, you are today’s winner by virtue of your (ok, one more) willingly walking into a wall of winged wrath. Way to go dumbass!
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