Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Horror Movie Darwin Awards # 23: Barbara in Pirhana

Barbara and David are a young couple taking a nice, romantic hiking and camping trip together. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? This scenario never ends well. They are walking through the woods by a river when they come across a fenced in area.

Barbara asks “What is this place” while literally standing directly in front of the “Military Testing Site, Restricted Area, No Trespassing” sign. Obviously, we’re not dealing with MENSA material here. They sneak in and come across a large pool. Barbara decides that this would be the perfect place to strip down and go for a swim. Now I’m definitely the “rules are made to be broken” type, and I love sneaking into places I’m not supposed to be as much as anyone, but I generally stay away from military test sites. There’s no telling what kind of nefarious crap they’re up to in there. Who knows what they’ve done to that water, or what’s in that water. I’m a big fan of skinny dipping (or chunky dunking in my case), but if I see a big pool at a secret military site, the last thing on my mind is taking it all off and dipping my dangly bits in there. Besides, you’re practically on the bank of a river. You’ve got all that water out there, and you want to swim here even after David postulates that it might be a sewage treatment facility? Really? So, how did that work out for ‘ya?

It turns out that pool was full of genetically engineered piranhas. Surprise! Stripped you down to bones. Serves you right though. Not just for swimming there in the first place, but when David started complaining about being bit, did you swim for shore? Nope. You were just treading water. How about when David disappeared into a cloud of blood in the water? You screamed, but you were still just treading water. I will refrain from commenting on Barbara’s blondeness. At the moment we’ll just focus on her deadness. Congratulations Barbara, you are today’s winner by virtue of your epic failure in choosing a swimming spot. Way to go dumbass!

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