Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Horror Movie Darwin Awards # 24: Cliff Girl in Turistas

The first rule of wilderness survival is “Always be aware of your surroundings.” Apparently someone forgot to tell today’s winner that. It seems this poor girl and her boyfriend have been abducted. They’re being carried through the jungle on poles, Ewok style. When the men carrying them stop by the river to smoke a bowl, boyfriend manages to untie his hands and her feet. He ends up with death by machete, while she takes off running through the jungle. This is where everything goes to shit.

Now I realize that she is being chased by a man with a machete, is panicking, and isn’t thinking entirely clearly. That doesn’t change the fact that the jungle is a dangerous environment. If you are going to run full speed through said dangerous environment, you should watch where you’re going. At the very least, you shouldn’t let this happen…

Yes folks, she ran straight off a cliff. How do you not see a cliff? This is the ultimate in not watching where you’re going. This wasn’t one of those “jumping to a quick death will be better than letting these guys harvest my organs” situations. This was one of those “I’m running, I’m running, I’m run…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” situations. So, how did that work out for you?

Yeah, that’s about what I thought. A drop of several stories onto rocks will do that to ya’. Congratulations Cliff Girl, you are today’s winner by virtue of…you know what, I don’t think I need to explain this any further. This dipshit ran off a freakin’ cliff. ‘Nuff said. Way to go dumbass!

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