Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Horror Movie Darwin Awards #10: Brady in Halloween 4

Imagine you’re about to get it on with a cop’s daughter. Suddenly, the cop shows up at home, comes through the door, and goes for a shotgun. Now imagine your surprise when he hands the gun to you and tells you that someone might attack the house and you have to help defend those inside. What a stroke of luck! This is the position in which Brady finds himself in Halloween 4. The sheriff then hands him some shells. Brady sticks the shells in his pocket instead of, oh I don’t know, loading the gun. Brilliant move buddy.

Look, I know that I already did a “didn’t load the shotgun when they had the chance” induction with Jenny from Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, but this one charts higher for two main reasons. Reason number one is that she had an understandable reason for not doing it. She was in a room with four psychos who wanted to do all sorts of nasty things to her, so lowering the firearm, while the best strategy, might not seem like such a good idea at the time. Brady is in a room with armed police officers and the threat hasn’t arrived yet. There is absolutely no reason for not checking to see if the gun is loaded or not. In fact, basic gun safety says to check the ammo when handed a firearm. Basic survival instinct should say the same thing.

Eventually Michael Myers arrives at the house. While the girls run up the stairs (wait, didn’t we just cover that one?), Brady hoists the shotgun, takes aim, and…click. It was unloaded after all you idiot. That whole “pocket full of shells” thing is only effective in lame ass mid 90’s mainstream rap-rock. He apparently also has the worst case of the shakes in recorded history, because he fumbles to load that gun the whole time Michael is snail’s pacing it up the stairs towards him. You should have done that when you got the damn thing, especially if it was going to take you that long. When he finally does get it loaded, Michael is in his face and he manages to miss with a 12 guage from three feet away. Then he hit Michael with the butt end. This proved not effective at all, and Michael took the gun and cracked poor dumb Brady in the noggin with it. So, how did that work out for you?

That brings me to reason number two; Jenny lived, Brady died. To be fair, Michael Myers probably would have slaughtered poor Brady either way, especially considering that he was a womanizing scumbag, but he would have had a much better fighting chance with a loaded weapon. Congratulations Brady, you are today’s winner by virtue of your failing to grasp the concept that a gun is useless without bullets, and getting yourself snuffed by the boogie man in the process. Way to go dumbass!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

He did load the weapon after getting it, he fired a shot seconds before the stairway incident when he was trying to blow the lock off the front door. He still gets the award for not running up the stairs and away from Myers while loading the gun though, because he just stood there like an idiot to load it.

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