Let’s get ready to rumble! In Friday the 13th 8, Jason takes Manhattan. Well, he actually doesn’t take any city until the last fifteen minutes of the movie. Until then, it’s Jason running amok on a boat. He’s on a boat. Everybody look at Jason, ‘cause he’s sailing on a boat. But this ain’t Seaworld, this is real as it gets, Jason’s on a boat motherf…ok, I’ll stop. I couldn’t help myself. Anyway, Jason is knocking off high schoolers on their senior trip. Amongst them is Julius, a boxer. Julius manages to make it to New York. By the way, tonight the role of New York will be played by Vancouver. Jason stalks Julius and his friends through the streets. Julius tries to escape to a rooftop via a ladder, but Jason follows him and the two square off. What would you do at this point? Personally, I think I’d probably take a flying leap off of the building, considering I have a better chance of surviving that than whatever Jason is about to do to me. Julius, however, must have taken a few too many blows to the head, because he decides to box Jason.
I had to put that picture there just so you know that I’m not kidding. We’ve seen various characters try to take Jason on before, but not in bare knuckle fisticuffs. What the hell could have possibly made you think that was a good idea? Lets forget for the moment that he’s a lot bigger and stronger than you. Let’s even forget that he’s Jason F’n Voorhees, the unstoppable undead killing machine. Why would you ever punch anyone in the face while they’re wearing a goalie mask? Sounds like a good way to break your hand to me. Oh look, that’s exactly what happened. Jason pulls a little rope-a-dope and lets Julius punch himself out. Spent and with destroyed dukes, Julius tells Jason to take his best shot. So, how did that work out for ‘ya tough guy?
Ouch! That’s gotta sting like a bee. I’m no expert on the pugilistic arts, but I’m going to call this one a TKO. I think Glass Joe could have done a better job. Congratulations Julius, you are today’s winner by virtue of your bright idea to box Jason Voorhees. What else could you say about that, except, of course, Way to go dumbass!