Friday, October 31, 2014

What Halloween Means To Me '14: JP of the Crazy Dave Tape Crew

At Days of the Dead Indianapolis this year, my life changed forever.  Fred Vogel stormed the screening room at 4am on Sunday, None of the drunken crowd who witnessed what came next were ever the same again, for we had been exposed to The Crazy Dave Tape.  It is the most insane mashup of movie clips, bizarre porn, weird pop culture stuff, and sheer insane awesomeness that you will ever see.  You are absolutely not prepared for what these mixtapes contain, but you need it in your live.  Check out their website HERE.  It carries the Son of Celluloid’s highest possible recommendation.  Anyway, I knew that I had to have one of the sickos behind this brilliant filth involved in this countdown.  Luckily, JP (the guy in the gorilla mask) was down for the cause.  So, JP, what does Halloween mean to you?

"Back when we were little turds, life primarily consisted of cartoons and pro-wrestling. Indoors, we had G.I. Joe guys getting their asses kicked by Cobra Ninja and the Baroness (who would always somehow end up molesting Lady Jayne in front of Destro), and outdoors we had a combination of Rambo meets the Road Warriors. Hawk and Animal teamed up with Rambo (under our leadership, of course) as we fought to regain control of central headquarters. Central headquarters was a shed with a few lawnmowers in it, by the way. Action figures, elbow drops, and imaginary gun battles pretty much dominated this little turd era.

Oddly enough, we never paid much attention to Halloween at the time. I mean, we definitely went out and scored candy, but the thrill of the night wasn’t really there yet. If your pal is Spider-Man and you're a fuckin' Ewok, basically Halloween kind of sucks. Really now, Cobra Ninja would mutilate Spider-Man (and then have the Baroness rip his dick off in front of Destro) and The Road Warriors looked like they lived on a steady diet of Ewoks! We always thought there must be something more to Halloween than oversized chipmunk suits and candy...

And then we discovered Fangoria magazine. Tom Savini. Creepshow, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Jason; this amazingly scary yet fascinating new world that we were probably too young for, but completely loved anyhow. That prick from Lifeforce—you know, the skeleton man with Ronald Reagan's hairstyle—between him, the father's day zombie, Ted Danson zombie, Freddy, Jason, Michael Meyers, Leatherface, and that contortionist fucker covered in tar from Return of the Living Dead, we were a bunch of scared little turds! Scared, but loving it; now Rambo and The Road Warriors were allies against Freddy and Jason, who apparently had a hangout spot down our street, in the woods. Yeah, basically it was our job to secure the street by keeping both Jason and Freddy at bay with a plastic bat (supposed to be a machete) and invisible grenades. This still happens on occasion.

Anyhow, this dark discovery helped us transition from little turds into little pricks; making fake blood with food coloring and Karo syrup (which never looked right), scaring our parents, each other, and generally acting like idiots. Then the realization struck like a machete through teenage flesh—we now had real reasons to celebrate Halloween! You could pretend that Jason cut your arm off, get fake blood everywhere, ruin clothes and possibly furniture, and not get in trouble! Sure, the candy was still pretty damn important, but being able to use and abuse our ever-growing collection of masks, appliances, and whatever other ridiculous things offered in the back pages of Fangoria became priority one!! Side note: I vaguely remember there being a life sized latex zombie-corpse for sale—via mail order—from one of the companies we ordered from...only back then, it would be delivered by an F.B.I. agent ready to escort you somewhere “safe”.

So basically, every Halloween our plan was the same: get candy, act like idiots, scare anyone wearing Spider-Man and Ewok costumes, run from older kids who we pissed off, and then get some more candy. Come home, listen to my older brother's metal records, eat candy, and draw pictures of Jason, Freddy, and Cobra Ninja doing various things. After the folks went to bed, the tradition of watching Scream Greats Volume 1: Tom Savini was generally observed. Either that, or a crappy SLP version of Creepshow I recorded from Cinemax—mainly because it also had a late night titty-movie on it called Fiona (which would be one of many recorded during this era). Classic Halloween memories, man...

Although this golden era didn't last that long, it was definitely birthplace for everything our mixtapes ended up being—a beautifully disgusting mess of laughter and horror, stitched together with a massive VHS collection that started way back then. And for us, Halloween over the years has become less about candy and more about acting like complete idiots in public without getting arrested. Well, more accurately stated; the modern Halloween candy is alcohol, and the results are generally more than we could get away with any other time of the year. So Happy Halloween to all you party-freaks out there!”

No more days ‘til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  No more days ‘til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

New Diet Taps into Revolutionary Plan to Help Dieters LOSE 20 Pounds within Just 21 Days!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...