Thursday, June 23, 2011

30 Day Horror Challenge Strikes Back Day 23: Biggest WTF moment a character placed themselves into.

Again with the damn text abbreviations. Next challenge I participate in, I demand real words only! Anyway, Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror has gained cult classic status because it is 85 minutes of nonstop WTF moments. It’s a lot of fun, it’s pretty gory, and the action doesn’t let up once it gets started, but it has quite the abundance of head scratching moments. Why do the zombies look like they are wearing masks of Fulci zombies made out of paper mache and play-dough? Why is there a bear trap in the middle of the courtyard? Did that zombie just throw a huge nail like a throwing knife and make a shot Bruce Lee couldn’t pull off? Did you just actually put on old dusty lingerie that you found in a random drawer? Did someone really just say “Let the zombies in, maybe they’re not after us?” Is your big finish a freeze frame with nonsensical, misspelled text?

Apparently so. This will be a nigth to remember, so sayeth the Profecy. I love it. This movie is absolutely ludicrous, but it has such a surreal energy that it’s relentlessly entertaining. I would expect nothing less from Andrea Bianchi, the director who also gave us Strip Nude For Your Killer and Malabimba: The Malicious Whore. If you’re a fan of the bizarre side of Italian grindhouse horror cinema, you definitely need to check it out. I could go on forever about this flick, but I think I’m going to do a full review of this one down the road, so I’ll cut to the chase. There is one situation in this movie that trumps all of the others, and maybe any scene in horror history, in terms of sheer WTF-ness.

One member of the horny, clueless band of zombie fodder is Evelyn, who brought along her son Michael. That’s him right there. Michael was played by a 26 year old dwarf named Peter Bark and dubbed over by an adult man trying to sound like a little boy. This dude is straight up creepy. He’s, like, beyond Zelda in Pet Sematary creepy. He’s beyond Reverend Kane in Poltergeist 2 creepy. He’s beyond Zelda Rubenstein in, well, anything creepy. He just might be the creepiest character I’ve ever laid eyes on. Anyway, his clinging to mom has an air of inappropriate sexuality to it. He also ends up walking in on her getting it on with her boyfriend. Instead of staying under the covers, she gets out of bed, covers her lower afro (it was the 70’s after all), and stands there admonishing him topless. Hmmm.

Later, once the zombies start attacking, she sits on the couch, consoling her distraught son. Here is where it gets weird. Michael starts kissing on his mom, feeling her up, and talking about how much he loves her breasts. Seriously. Look at the picture to the left. He’s totally second basin’ it with mom! He gets a hand up her skirt and tries to “give her the finger” if you catch my drift, and mom slaps him and tells him no. Yes, THAT’s where he crossed the line. Mommy dearest, I do believe that we need to have a little talk about boundaries. Michael then gets upset, runs off, and is promptly killed by the zombies.

Fast forward about twenty minutes. Evelyn is among the final three survivors. They’re holed up in a monastery with a bunch of zombie monks, and that’s not even the weird part. Not even close. They’ve fought off the few zombies who’ve gotten in, very badly I might add, when who should come walking through the door but our zombified preteen perv buddy, Michael. He’s very obviously zombified, so Evelyn definitely knows that he’s one of those things that have been trying to kill her for the past day, but she does what any good mother would do. She runs to him, embraces him, lets him pull her shirt open, and pushed his face into her heaving bosom, saying “Oh yes darling, just like when you were a baby. Go ahead, I know you want to.” This scene definitely gets a place in the “Ewwwww” hall of fame. From the looks on the other characters faces while this is going on, I’d say they’re thinking the same thing we are.

What do you think happens next? You shouldn’t have to think too had about it. Evelyn, mother of the year, is rewarded for her incestuous weirdness with this…

Congratulations, you just got half of your tit bitten off by your own son. There is only one thing you can say about this whole reanimated Oedipal cannibalistic misadventure…WTF?

6 comments:

hawkdmh said...

that is downright hilarious

Cash Wampum said...

Ahhh Yes, Burial Ground. One of those lovely 'real slow' zombie flicks. Its been a while since I've seen it but I do remember that hilarious man-child thing. What an abomination!! What these flicks have that really makes me laugh is how long the survivors stick around to watch their comrades be eviscerated. Why don't they pull out the popcorn while they're at it?!?!

I wouldn't say its a favourite. But yeah. I own it. And if I said I haven't seen it more than once, I'd be a liar ;)

Dr. Jimmy Terror said...

Talk about your tittie twister! Excellent entry. In the same vain (that being the vain of boobs) I always thought the Cannibal Ferox boob meat hook thing was pretty shocking. And as a kid... the end of the Sleepaway Camp of course.

Cash Wampum said...

Sleepaway Camp finale is still one of the most disturbing endings ever. And the decapitation is the LEAST of our worries. The sound track, the look on her (his) face, the colour change, the pause. The uhh.....unit. I remember watching it with a few unsuspecting people and they were like, "Well.....THAT was disturbing, thank you."

CHA-CHING!!! Horror 101, Baby ;)

SonOfCelluloid said...

I had a friend back when I lived in Savannah who was almost as big of a horror geek as I was. One of our first conversations was about Sleepaway Camp and whenever we would see each other at the bar we both hung out at (hooray for The Warehouse!) we'd greet each other by doing Angela's facial expression in that final shot. People thought we were insane. Yes, I'm talking about you Bryan.

Cash Wampum said...

This just in...Burial Ground released on Blu-ray as of today...

http://www.blu-ray.com/movies/Burial-Ground-Blu-ray/21328/

Also, Zombie Holocaust reaches Blu today too. And The Nesting....which I think sucked. Its been a while.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...