Thursday, June 2, 2011

30 Day Horror Challenge Strikes Back Day 2: Character you had a crush on as a kid.

I would be remiss if I didn’t inform you from the outset that this entry might stray into “dude, too much information” territory. There, you’ve been warned. I just can’t contain myself when talking about the breas…best female horror icon of them all. As I’ve stated before, I didn’t watch horror movies as a kid. Yet, I still had a horror crush. In fact, this horror crush played a significant role in my emerging adolescent sexuality. She was, and still is, my ultimate dream woman. She is the Mistress of the Night herself, Elvira.

I must have been about 10 or 11, and I was at the grocery store with my mother. It was around Halloween time, which has always been my favorite time of the year, and as I was walking through the aisles, I saw a life sized cardboard cutout of a woman on the end of the beer aisle. She had on a slinky black dress that was cut low and slit high. She was, shall we say, quite voluptuous. She was even giving me a seductive wink. I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid my eyes on. From that moment on, her image was burned into my mind. Mom must have seen the way I was looking at her, because she drug me to the registers rather quickly.

Later, I began to notice her on TV commercials for various products. I wasn’t sure exactly who Elvira was, but I knew she made me feel all tingly in ways I never thought possible. In fact, the first sexual thought I ever remember thinking in my life involved Elvira slipping out of that iconic outfit. There’s a reason Elvira is the best selling female Halloween costume of all time. I’d be willing to bet a lot of those ladies bought the costume because their man was asking, or possibly pleading, for it.

In the years since then, as I came to know her body…of work better, my love for her has only grown. I got to see her at a screening of Elvira’s Haunted Hills once, and it was an unforgettable experience. She is just as stunning in person. Her playful little giggle, witty repartee, and less than subtle double entendres make her just that much more appealing. She’s the ultimate horror chick, and at 60, she’s just as sexy as ever. She’s also a gal you can respect. Cassandra Peterson has carved herself a pop culture niche and she did it on her terms. She's one of those women who flaunt their sexuality, but owns it as well. My only issue with her is that I have a serious weakness for redheads, and she's a natural redhead. I would love to, just once, see her in the full Elvira garb sans wig. That dress with those fiery locks just...just.........sorry, had a moment there. Lets move on, shall we?

I either watch or record Movie Macabre every Saturday, and that fact has very little to do with the movies. I’d certainly like to join her on that red velvet couch. To watch movies that is. Yeah, that’s it. To bring this sordid little tale full circle, I even got one of those cardboard cutouts years later. My buddy Michael Myers (RIP and yes that was his real name) stole it from work for me. She was my childhood horror crush, and she still is. All hail the Mistress of the Dark!

Apparently I’m not the only one who feels that way either. Check out a great band called Ghoultown singing Elvira’s praises.


Anonymous said...

Liz Taylor was my first female crush, followed by Elvira & Angeliza Jolie.
mmmmmmm . . . Elvira
I remember watching her films as a child and wishing I could look like her. It's my goal to one day be slender enough to pull of the Elvira costume for Halloween one year.

cash said...

The boob gimmick at the end of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark......genius ;)

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