I need to have a little talk with the female Cellmates out
there, particularly those of you who haven’t ventured outside of the city
much. In addition to being
entertaining, horror movies can also teach us survival skills. One of those lessons that is often ignored
is “stay the hell out of the woods.”
You don’t think they named a movie “Don’t Go In The Woods” just
because it was a catchy title, do ya?
Well, maybe they did, but the truth of the matter remains. Think back to every horror movie you’ve ever
watched. Has going into the woods ever
turned out well for anyone? Not
often. You know who it works out for?
Those who are familiar and comfortable with the woods. In other words, not city folks. You’re especially in trouble if you have sex
in the woods. That’s a good way to end
up raped, slaughtered, raped again, and eaten by some backwoods loon. The problem is, getting it on out in the
forest is a big romantic fantasy for a lot of people. I want all of you ladies to have the opportunity to experience
that, so I’ve decided to selflessly offer my services in your best
interest. I’ve lived in the big city,
but I was born in the mountains of North Carolina and spent my childhood in
rural Georgia. I’m very familiar with
the woods. I practically grew up in
them. Horrible things can happen if
you’re out there with the wrong guy, so wouldn’t you rather choose a man who
knows what’s up in the underbrush? Now,
I know that offer might seem self-serving at first glance but I assure you,
ladies, my concern is solely for your personal well-being. I’m here to help because I wouldn’t want
anything bad to happen to any of you.
So before you run off into the woods with city boy, think how much safer
you’d be with SOC. Your life may just
depend on it. Now that we’ve got that
out of the way, let’s talk about Dead Woman’s Hollow.
Synopsis: “Along the Appalachian Trail, Jen (Mel Heflin) and Donna’s
(Sarah Snyder) college project to find peace in a bruised and battered world
runs into the true face of fear and evil… Leroy (Boodle Montgomery). The story of Dead Woman;s Hollow unfolds by
following a murder investigation by Sheriff Hatsley (Charles Dawson). The crime reveals many layers to the quest
of truth. The true horror being our
ability to hate and the true fear of the killer in us all.”
The number one thing this movie has going for it is
atmosphere. A lot of people who do
backwoods/small-town horror play it as way too sensationalistic. That’s when things like some of the Wrong
Turn sequels happen. Dead
Woman’s Hollow has the good sense to keep things low key. I’m not sure where they shot it, but it had
an authenticity that comes with small rural towns. It reminded me of a lot of places in the mountains of North
Carolina. Speaking of the shooting
locations, the outdoor photography is absolutely gorgeous. They definitely took full advantage of the
picturesque terrain. Everything has
that hazy fall pallor that I love.
Another factor that goes a long way towards the atmosphere
is Sheriff Hatsley. I don’t know if it
comes more from the way that John Taylor wrote the character or the performance
of Charles Dawson (or both), but he comes across as very believable. Most movie “small town sheriffs” are shallow
stereotypes; just obnoxious for no good reason. This one has some actual depth.
He seems like he may have been a good guy at one point, but the middle
of nowhere beat has ground him down to the point that he’s become a dick with a
badge. It’s a well-drawn character
that’s played very competently, making it a joy to watch.
Dawson’s is not the only performance that deserves high
commendation. You know those huge rock
mounds that sometimes surround railroad tracks? Well, the flick opens with Maura Housley stumbling out of the
woods naked and climbing up one of those.
Yes, she’s naked and barefoot crawling over rocks. Now THAT’S dedication to a role. Major kudos to her for being willing to go
the extra mile. I have an amazing
mental picture of her talking to her grandkids one day far in the future. One of them says something about how easy it
is to make a movie now that CGI has taken over. Maura waves a wrinkly fist at the young whippersnappers and
bellows “CGI? In my day we had to crawl
naked over huge piles of jagged rocks in the freezing cold to make a movie!” The kids roll their eyes and say “Yeah
right. Whatever, grandma.” She then hobbles to the shelf, pulls out a
copy of this movie, brushes away the cobwebs, and proceeds to scar the
ungrateful little bastards for life with scenes of granny’s naked, bloody ass
crawling over the rocks. That thought
made me laugh harder than it probably should have. Yes, these are the things I think when I see bloody, naked chicks
stumbling down train tracks. I should
probably seek professional help. What
was I talking about anyway? Oh, Dead
Woman’s Hollow. That’s right.
Another aspect of the flick that I found interesting, and
kinda refreshing, is that there are no good guys among the main
characters. Some of the townspeople,
like the shopkeepers and secretaries, seem nice enough. The story focuses on the unsavory folks,
though. As I said, the cops are pricks.
Leroy, the killer, is kept mysterious.
He has a great look, but he’s damn hard to understand sometimes. The ladies are competently played, but the
characters are way too bitchy to elicit any kind of sympathy. The concerned boyfriend might have a violent
history. The rednecks that bring one of
the victims to the hospital even turn out to be assholes. Hell, everyone in this movie is a shade of
gray. I like that approach.
One thing that I do have to call the movie out on is the
editing. First of all, while they are
traversing some really pretty terrain, there is entirely too much footage of
the two female leads walking through the woods. That could have been tightened up by a couple of minutes at
least. Second, some of the dialog
scenes need some work. When there is a
shot/reverse shot conversation, there will be a second too long between the
previous line and the response. It
makes the scenes play very awkwardly.
This is most evident in the diner scene.
The diner scene! I
almost forgot to talk about the diner scene.
I’m not sure what was going on there, but it seemed like it was lifted
from a completely different movie. The
afore mentioned dialogue editing really gave it a bizarre feel. Then there is the performance of Dan
Miller. I’m not sure what he was going
for, but it’s completely bonkers. I’ve
never seen him in anything else, but I kinda got the feeling that he’s being
natural to an extent because I don’t see how those acting choices would make
sense. I’m sure it’s intentionally
comical, but it’s just so weird that when coupled with the strange pace set by
the editing in the scene, it gives the scene a completely different atmosphere
from anything that happens before or after it.
It’s almost like it’s not happening in the same reality as the rest of
the story. Although, I now feel
compelled to track down the other two flicks he’s been in.
The flick does end with quite a bang. The final 9 minutes are a taut, engrossing,
well-staged piece of cinema. Everything
from the way the minimal lighting glistens off of the sweat on Charles Dawson’s
head to the subtle desperation creeping up into Koran Dunbar’s bravado works
together perfectly. It all leads up to
a wonderfully downbeat and nihilistic as hell ending that did my cynical little
heart good. Some people like for the
good guys to win in their movies.
Others prefer for the bad guys to win.
There’s a place for both, but I always dig endings like this one where
nobody wins.
Random Thought #1: The soundtrack works very well in the
context of the film. Some of the
musical choices were downright inspired.
Random Thought #2:
The scene between the Sheriff and Ranger Swanson (think a backwoods
bumbling R. Lee Ermy) is hilarious.
Maybe my favorite moment of the flick.
Random Thought #3:
It would have been nice to get a little more background on Leroy. Maybe see his lair or something.
Random Thought #4:
The identity of the naked chick in the beginning is only mentioned twice
in the middle of the movie, less than a minute apart. I don’t know if I sneezed or took a drink or the dog jumped on me
or what, but I totally missed it. This,
coupled with the batshit diner scene and one photographic inconsistency, led me
to believe that this was some kind of Lynchian mindf**k with a character having
multiple fates and being played by multiple actresses. A second viewing later, it all made sense. They really should have mentioned her at
least one other time. On the other hand,
I think I might have even liked it better when I thought it made no sense at
all. Then again, I may or may not be
nuttier than squirrel shit.
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