My readers. My friends. My Cellmates. I love each and every one of you. I want you to keep that in mind when I say that every now and then I f**king hate you! This is one of those times. Of course, I say that purely out of jealousy. You see, you guys all have a chance at winning one of the coolest things I’ve ever given away here on SOC. Something unspeakably bad ass. Something I really want to keep for myself, dammit. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, this one of a kind custom Coffin Joe figure!
For those of you uninitiated into the cult of José Mojica Marins, oh man are you missing out. This South American horror maverick embodies the spirit of independent cinema every bit as much as John Waters, Kenneth Anger, or Astron-6. His transgressive, hallucinogenic films have always been both popular and controversial in his native Brazil, and are finding more and more of an audience around the world partially thanks to a 2001 documentary. I make no claims about the legality of it being on youtube, but for what it’s worth you can watch it here…
Marins has made over 50 exploitation flicks, but his greatest creation is, inarguably, Coffin Joe. Known in Brazil as Zé do Caixão, his top hat, cape, and long fingernails have become so associated with Marins that he and the character are almost indistinguishable. The diabolical mortician hates religion, despises mankind, and is only interested in finding a woman capable of taking his pure evil seed. Coffin Joe is one of the greatest horror characters ever devised, and in a perfect world his amazing speeches would be as quoted as anything Freddy Krueger ever said. There’s a Region 2 DVD box set of most of the Coffin Joe flicks (all except Embodiment of Evil and The Bloody Exorcism of Coffin Joe) that can be had for under 30 bucks. It’s the reason I bought a region free player in the first place. If you’ve never seen one of his films, you owe it to yourself to track these titles down NOW!
- At Midnight I’ll Take Your Soul
- This Night I Will Possess Your Corpse
- The Strange World of Coffin Joe
- The Awakening of the Beast
- End of Man
- The Bloody Exorcism of Coffin Joe
- The Strange Hostel of Naked Pleasures
- Hellish Flesh
- Hallucinations of a Deranged Mind
- Embodiment of Evil
I first became aware of the incredibly talented Jacob Klingele when Guts and Grog gave away an amazing custom figure of a Nixon Vixen from Dear God No!. I found out it was the work of the man behind VonKlingele Kustoms and had to contact him. Throughout us talking, he kindly agreed to make a figure for me to offer to all of you. When I started thinking of who I had never seen a figure of that most deserved one, Coffin Joe was the first name that came to mind. I thought about others, but none could unseat him. Now that I see this unholy creation, I’m awestruck. I’m sure you all agree that it’s incredible. Obviously, Jacob is the guy to contact for all of your custom figure needs. I warn you though, I can’t promise that having this fun sized effigy of the wicked one himself won’t have strange effects on you. You may see spiders and snakes coming out of the walls. You may be inundated with visions of hell. You may find yourself unable to cut your fingernails or resist pontificating about the “continuity of blood.” You may find yourself constantly surrounded by beautiful, topless women. Results may vary. I also want to reiterate that this figure is a one of a kind custom. Whoever winds up with this will own the only one in the world. How cool is that?
So, how do you take this prize home? There are two steps…
- You must “like” both the Son of Celluloid and VonKlingele Kustoms facebook pages. Yes, this is a requirement.
- I want to know that this bad boy is going to an actual Coffin Joe fan. Leave a comment on this post with your email address and something about why you dig Coffin Joe. What you like about his movies, your favorite of his flicks, your favorite quote, his beard’s sexy, he’s the reason you grew 3 foot long fingernails, whatever. Just say something to let me know that this killer prize is gonna go to someone who will fully appreciate how cool it is.