Friday, August 2, 2013

420 Reviews: No One Lives, Hatchet 3, V/H/S/2, and Axe Giant: The Wrath Of Paul Bunyan

I have one final thing I need to do before I am officially back up to speed and we can put that whole hiatus business behind us.  I watched a lot of flicks during that time, and since everyone is entitled to my opinion, I gotta sound off on them.  It would take forever to review all of them fully.  Besides, how much can you really say about a movie like Axe Giant?  So, for the next couple of days, it's time for 420 reviews.  I know we've got some new friends lurking around here somewhere, so I'll explain this concept one last time.  Feel free to skip on to the reviews if you've heard this one.
420 reviews have nothing to do with weed.  I'm not saying that I may or may not have been stoned when I saw some of these, but that's neither here nor there.  The deal is that the first place I started sharing my thoughts about movies was facebook.  At that time there was a 420 character limit on statuses.  It became a fun little challenge to sum my thoughts about a flick up in exactly 420 characters.  Not 419 or 421.  Oh no, it has to be exact.  When those bite sized reviews eventually led to this blog, I decided to bring that tradition back from time to time.  Plus, I get a laugh out of imagining the stoners who randomly clicked on this link expecting something completely different.
So, with that said, let's get caught up...

No One Lives
This was way, WAY better than I expected. There’s a refreshing “old school-ness’ to the proceedings. It’s well shot with minimal wobble-cam. There’s plenty of blood, a couple of nice twists, some creative violence, and even a little gratuitous nudity. Just be warned that every time someone opens their mouth, you’re about to hear something mind numbingly stupid. Just don’t let that WWE Films logo scare you off. 7.5/10

Hatchet 3
The gore is excellent of course. The cast is great. It’s about damn time Caroline Williams returned to horror. Danielle Harris is always good. Even JTRO got in on the fun. My problem is the tone. Part 2 played it fairly straight and the over the top gore created the laughs. This one takes a step back towards the parody feel that I hated in 1. Rocket launchers? Come on now. Better than one but not as good as two. 6/10

I hated the first one, but VHS2 blew me away. I would have rearranged the segments so that the weakest one wasn’t last, but we do get some genuinely creepy moments, a few really good performances, and actual novel twists on the played out POV gimmick. They mostly ditched the bad CGI that ruined the first one, going more practical this time. Plus, Hannah Hughes is HOT. I love it when flicks surprise me like this. 8/10

Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan
You’ve really gotta love “so bad it’s good” to dig this one. It’s dumber than the usual Syfy Original style creature feature fare, and that’s saying something. The acting is worse.  Hell, the CGI is even worse. The practical makeup on Paul Bunyan does look pretty good though. The guy in that suit has impressively expressive eyes and did a hell of a job emoting through the prosthetics. A cheese lover’s paradise. 3/10


Brad said...

The Safe Haven segment of VHS 2 was great. Wish they had made a feature of it. I have avoided No One Lives due to the WWE logo so I'll have to check that one out. Hatchet 3 was a great wrap up to the series to me. I hope they don't milk more sequels out of it. I believe Rob Kurtzman worked on Axe Giant. That is the only good I can think of.

giovanni deldio said...

Your review of Hatchet 3- Better than one but not as good as two.
Amen, bro!! You said the same thing i did in my review for it! :)

And, we agree on V/H/S/2, as well. the first one was meh, at best, but this was so good. And, yes the last segment was the weakest, no doubt about it. And, yes Hannah Hughes is HOT!!

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