There is something very, very wrong with Jimmy
Screamerclauz. If his music, writing,
and extreme animated horror films are any indication, his mind is a cacophony
of eyeballs, fish stick tits, bizarre religious rituals, deformed children,
brutal mutilation, hallucinogenic nightmares, and an unexplainable, perverse
beauty. He’s also a brilliant
filmmaker. His film Where The Dead Go
To Die was my favorite flick of 2012.
Its real raw emotion fused with mind-bending subversive weirdness
creates a viewing experience unlike any other.
I recommend it to anyone who thinks they’ve seen everything, wants to
push their boundaries, or is just screwed up in the head. So strap in folks, I have a feeling this
answer is gonna get a little deranged.
Jimmy, what does Halloween mean to you?
“Rather
than try and explain to everyone what Halloween means to me I’d rather just
tell you a memory that shaped my childhood. My friend Billy and I were playing
our favorite game of all time called “dodge the semi-truck” where we would wait
for a truck to come and then see who could wait the longest before jumping out
of the way. Our parents would get quite mad when we played this game,
mostly because our other friend Brad didn’t get out of the way in time the
summer before and met an untimely demise. It was very sad, though I think we
both secretly envied how much braver he was then us. He died like a fucking
man!
Anyway,
after dodging two trains in a row we decided to wander around the town waiting
for nightfall, it was our favorite day of the year, Halloween. The problem was
we were getting older now, we were just about 13, and the fact that we watched
poor Brad get splattered only a few months prior made us grow up even quicker.
Trick or Treating just didn’t seem to cut it for us anymore, but we still
wanted to have some sort of Halloween adventure. After much discussion we
decided to get some nasty revenge on a man in the neighborhood named Robert
Jacobs. The previous summer I was hired to mow his lawn for $2o and when he
wasn’t looking I took my shoes off and dipped my sock in the gasoline tank and
huffed it. It made the lawn mowing experience much more pleasant and dream
like. During one particularly hot day, the heat and gas fumes got the best of
me and I passed out while pushing the mower and I ran over his little dog that
was playing on the lawn. The dog didn’t die, but it lost one of its legs. I
didn’t see what the big deal was, but he was pretty upset and not only refused
to pay me, but also made me pay for the dog’s leg surgery! $1500 that cost me!
Then the dumb dog just chewed it off and died anyway. The way I see it he
buried my money, and tonight was the night we were going to dig up the dog and
get my investment back!
We
waited for nightfall and met up at the local creek. Since it was Halloween we
decided to dress up in costumes. I decided to dress up like a skeleton but
wanted to be a little more original then that so I put some fake blood on too,
then I was a bloody skeleton. Billy dressed up as our dead friend Brad, which I
thought was kind of fucked up but hey who am I to judge, after all I was
dressed up as something dead too! We crept into Mr. Jacob’s yard and found the
spot where the dog was buried, we thought it would be harder, but we just
looked for the big three-legged dog statue he had erected. The glow of his
eternal flame helped guide us as well, Mr. Jacobs must have loved that little
guy. Once we dug the dog up we learned that the leg I spent so much money on
had rotted away, I was pretty pissed so I lifted up the dog’s carcass and tied
it to my face like a mask. We snuck into his house and pretended to be the
ghost of his dog and asked him if we can have $1500 to pay the toll bridge it
costs to get into heaven, he might have fallen for it given enough time, but
before he could have time to process it, Billy had already put on one of his
wife’s dress and started doing some sort of seductive dance for him, which I
thought was quite weird and out of character for my usually more manly
friend, but before I could have time to make fun of and/or question he
sexual orientation, an un-amused Mr. Jacobs shot Billy in the face with a
shotgun.
Now,
a normal shotgun blast would have blown Billy’s head clean off but Mr. Jacobs
was one of those old coots that only has civil war guns and he was always just
shoving weird shit down the barrel that he found around the house. So in
addition to all the ancient bullet fragments that tore Billy’s face apart he
also had a match box car sticking out of his eye and a swirly straw sticking
out of his forehead. We decided to was time to run and got out of there
fast.
We
decided to stop at this all night cheese steak stand and figure out what had
just happened to us. The guy liked our costumes and marveled at how real
Billy’s looked. Billy was kind of offended so he put one of his teeth in the
guy’s tip cup. The guy was pissed at first but then saw it was an adult tooth
and knew it was of great value to the right people. The cheese steak was
delicious, Billy tried to eat his but the food kept falling out of the hole in
his face. After that Billy dropped dead on the table, he bled to death.
Apparently when you get shot in the face you’re supposed to go to the hospital
and not the cheese steak stand. My best friend in the world died that night and
it in all seriousness it should have made me hate Halloween, but luckily Billy
died at 12:26 so it was technically November 1st. FUCK NOVEMBER
FIRST! RIP Billy, and Brad, and dumb dog.”
14 days ‘til Halloween, Halloween,
Halloween. 14 days ‘til Halloween,
Silver Shamrock.
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