What Halloween Means To Me '13 Day 12: Queenie Todd

Originally hailing from the Great White North and now residing on the West Coast, Queenie Thayer (aka Queenie Todd: The Demon Blogger) is a blogger, writer, editor, LARPer, and aspiring filmmaker.  She’s also a rival judge in the MADNESS this year, meaning that she will be another to be trampled underfoot by the mighty Team Whitehouse Down.  There’s a lot of cool Halloweeny stuff going on at her blog, so go check it out HERE.  You should also go give a like to the page for her upcoming werewolf flick Red Handed.  I’m personally intrigued by her Halloween costume idea for this year, ‘cause I wanna see how a female Beetlejuice turns out.  I warn you  that Queenie’s piece gets a little personal, but  it resonates a lot with me and I think it will with some of you too.  So Queenie, what does Halloween mean to you?

“When I was offered the chance to write this for Son of Celluloid, I wasn’t sure where I’d begin. Because Halloween is one of those special holidays that I hold near and dear to my heart. I wasn’t sure if I should go personal with it, but what the hell. It really is a personal holiday for me, despite what people see on the surface. And here are the 3 reasons why:

1. Halloween is the only time of year I don’t get stared at for my appearance. Yes, I didn’t grow out of my “dark phase” like my grandmother always threatened I would do. I still wear black, with the occasional red and purple thrown in. I am tattooed. I have a nose ring and I am stretching my ears. I’d have more tats if I could afford it. I have bright orange-red hair. And that’s how I like to be.  But Halloween is the one time of year I don’t have to explain myself. Don’t have to put up with people grabbing me like I am a piece of meat for them to examine, instead of a human being, and I definitely don’t have to deal with judgmental BS. It’s wonderful. Halloween will always be a day of freedom for me, because while I take responsibility for the way I look, I get TIRED of all the judgments sometimes. I know it comes with the territory, but seriously. Some people ask STUPID and OFFENSIVE questions on purpose. Just because you are authentically weird. Halloween is a time you can be free to be a freak as much or as little as you want.

2. Halloween brings out a sense of wonder in me. Not Christmas. Not Thanksgiving. Not any other holiday, including my birthday. I can throw a pretty good birthday party, but nothing gets me as excited and child-like as Halloween. I love the costumes, the candy, and the constant horror movie marathons. I love watching my friends get into it, or seeing how adorable Frankenstein can look when a 6 yr. old is dressed like him. I tell people my inner child is a feral wolf-child who just wants to play with dead things she finds on the side of the road, and Halloween is her chance to come out full force and play with other monster-kids.  It’s good to remember why horror was so fun as a kid, and why it both scared and fascinated you. Halloween reminds me of that. It keeps me in touch with that side of me that despite everything that happened around her, she still darkly dreamed. I have never had the same dreams as other girls did. I wasn’t a pink Barbie dream-house girl. I was a monster-kid. And I am proud to say I still am.

3.  I’m going to get really personal and real with you for a moment: Halloween was the only holiday my mother didn’t ruin for me. I grew up in a very abusive household. I won’t get into details, but I will say that for some reason, Halloween was the one holiday I was glad no one cared about. No one I associated with while growing up messed it up for me. My mother had ruined everything else, including birthdays for me with her drug-induced mania. I remember one birthday she literally threw my birthday cake across the room at my head in front of all my friends. It was the last time I invited people over to my house as a child.

However, Halloween would pass without incident. If my mother put any effort in, it would be to make me shut up about the costume pieces I wanted by buying them for me. She’d send me off alone with my sister to collect candy, and I would get to take her anywhere I wanted. I walked and walked until my legs went numb and my arms hurt from carrying sacks of candy. My sister would be half-crazed from the sugar high, as we feral children with no adult supervision wandered the night. It’s not something I would wish upon a child now, because well, my mother didn’t care about us. She’d send us off so she could get high alone and not have to be responsible for the children she brought into the world. However, I find joy in the situation, even now when I think about it, because I was given free reign one night a year. For one night, I could pretend to be someone else, and get all the candy my little bags could hold. For one night, I could be happy without someone crushing my dreams.

And that is why Halloween is so important to me. And there really is a magic to the holiday. It has it's own special charm that lets you get away with a little more than you would normally. A chance to let your inner wolf-child free, and play with the creepy as well as the sparkly and fluffy. Because people are not one dimensional. We are all colors of the rainbow.  And rainbows are awesome, even if they happen to be painted with gore and inky darkness.”

19 days ‘til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  19 days ‘til Halloween.  Silver Shamrock.