A while back, I got into a long discussion with EC3 Daniel and various other members of The Pack about whether or not sex with a zombie constitutes necrophilia. Sure, you’re still cracking open a cold one, but in this sense, is reanimated the same as dead? I’m not going to go too far into the particulars of the debate; it got pretty, shall we say, anatomical. Anyway, all that talk about zombie banging did get me thinking about some of the hottest zombies in horror history; and when you’re talking about sexy zombies, one franchise has the market cornered. The Return of the Living Dead flicks gave us hands-down the two most doable living dead girls of all time, which brings me to SOC’s next giveaway.
First of all, let’s see what you’re playing for. I’d like to thank my zombie assistant for presenting the prizes. I guess he’s my version of Barker’s beauties. No, he’s not part of the prize package. We’ve got a copy of More Brains: A Return to the Living Dead. In case you’ve been living under a rock, it’s a killer documentary about the ROTLD series by the masterminds who brought you the greatest horror movie documentary of all tile, Never Sleep Again. It also comes with a mini poster signed by the producer Mike Perez. That poster would be perfect for all of you autograph hounds to collect signatures on. You’ll also get one of those Lion’s Gate horror collections that everyone was on a holy grail search for a while back. This one includes Return of the Living Dead 3, as well as Bride of Re-Animaror, Beyond Re-Animator, Night of the Living Dead 3D, and those two Syfy channel ROTLD sequels Necropolis and Rave to the Grave. Cool stuff, huh? Here’s how to win. I’ve taken the liberty of narrowing the list down to two finalists. Yes, I know the half corpse on the table and the “Get that screwdriver out of my head” chick were both pretty alluring, but they don’t compare to these two. These two helped kick start puberty for me, and I’m sure they did for a lot of other budding horror movie freaks out there. Before I introduce them, let me point out that in the ROTLD cannon, zombies retain their personalities after they’re reanimated, so we have to take their pre-brain munching selves into account too. Also, I apologize for censoring these pics, but SOC is a semi-family show. Just google ‘em if you wanna see the naughty bits. The choices are…
Trash (Linnea Quigley) in Return of the Living Dead 1
Here we have Trash, owner of the title for most revered nude scene in horror history. What makes Trash so special? Well, first of all she’s just plain freakin’ hot. I mean, just look at her. Second, she’s a wild one. When she starts peeling off her duds in the graveyard and Spider says “…Trash is taking off her clothes again,” you get the idea that this is a regular occurrence. Who doesn’t like chicks that get naked at the drop of a hat? Said stripping, the “have you ever fantasized about being killed” monologue, and her molestation of Suicide in said graveyard lead me to think one of two things; either she’s crazy or she’s an attention whore. Either way, those are the kind of gals who are usually down for just about anything, and that’s definitely a point in her favor. After she’s reanimated, she still has that rocking bod, even though the face is a little messed up. Honestly though, who amongst us hasn’t ended up going home with someone who fits THAT description before? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Also, if you wanna cheat a little since it’s not actually in the flick, Trash is a natural blonde. I doubt zombies take the time to dye their hair, and it still grows after death, so if you’re into blondes, all you have to do is wait a little while. Trash is serious undead hotness.
Julie (Mindy Clarke) from Return of the Living Dead 3
(Note: Those boobs may or may not be a prosthetic, so I'm using that as a loophole to not censor it.
And then there’s Julie. Whereas Trash is the wild child party girl slut, Julie is the rocker girlfriend type. She’s got a wild streak all right, but she’s loyal as hell to her man, even after death. There’s definitely something to be said for that. Man is she gorgeous too! Look at those eyes. Beautiful. If you’re into redheads, Julie here is your gal. I’m not sure if it’s natural, but I’d be glad to check. She has an affinity for leather and fishnets, which is always a plus. After she’s dead, though, she gets uber freaky. If you’re the bongage and S&M type and like your ladies kinky, it doesn’t get any better than Julie. A true pain-slut is hard to find, but Julie is just about as hardcore as they come. Just imagine the possibilities. Ok, I better stop that line of discussion before I get myself in trouble. She’s also a bad ass. If you like ass kickin’ ladies, just watch ol’ Julie here take out some hard ass Cholos who come after her and her man. Julie is ungodly amounts of hot, an ass kicker, and as kinky as it gets. This post mortem vixen definitely does it for me.
Ok folks, here’s how it’s gonna work. You’re gonna vote on who is the sexiest zombie of all time, Trash or Julie. The catch is, I will be drawing the winner from the WINNING SIDE ONLY. Yeah, that’s right, if you want a chance to win, your ghoulie girlie has to win. That means you better get your friends, family, and complete strangers to come vote for your favorite if you want to score these DVDs. Here are the rules…
1. To enter, first you must like the Facebook page HERE, then leave a comment voting for either Trash or Julie. Also, make sure your comment has your email address so I can contact you if you win.
2. You may enter only once, but if you share a link to the contest on Facebook or Twitter (and tell me so in your comment), I will count your vote twice. Note, that doesn’t mean you can you can share it and vote for both ladies. None of that indecisive shit here.
3. Since the postal service recently decided to hike international shipping prices, this one is open to US residents only. Sorry.