Tuesday, July 10, 2012

420 Reviews: Monster Brawl, Chernobyl Diaries, & The Raven

It's time for another round of 420 reviews. In case you missed it last time, that doesn't mean I'm writing stoned. I very well may have watched the movies stoned, but it doesn't have anything to do with that. it has to do with the fact that when I used to write reviews on facebook before the blog came about, I was limited to 420 characters. Now it's like a game. I actually managed to make each of these EXACTLY 420 characters. So, without further ado, it's 420 time!

Monster Brawl:

I wanted to love this movie, but I only kinda liked it. If you’re a diehard horror and wrestling fan like me, there’s fun to be had, but it drags at times. An actual backstory and better fight choreography would have helped. Some of the monsters look great, especially Frankenstein. Best part of the flick is Lance Henriksen’s Shao Kahn impression. The way he says “Witch Bitch” is priceless. 1 severed thumb up.

Chernobyl Diaries:

This is everything I hate about current visual trends in horror cinema. If it isn’t a found footage flick, don’t shoot it like one dammit! There are only 2 likable characters in the whole thing. As far as scares, Leah didn’t even jump once, and that’s saying something. It had one inspired moment that I dug. Chernobyl is a FANTASTIC setting. I hope someone makes a good movie there someday. 1 severed thumb down.

The Raven:

Decent mystery flick with a Poe motif that should satisfy fans playing “spot the reference.” Cusack chews scenery with gusto, & Luke Evans is great. It needed more gore, but it also had some of the worst CGI blood I’ve EVER seen, so maybe restraint was a blessing after all. It’s ironic that a film about the master of suspense has none, but it doesn’t drag. Not great, but a fun little ride. 1 ½ severed thumbs up.


Maynard Morrissey said...

Lucky me saw Monster Brawl at an Austrian Horror Filmfestival together with a wonderful wrestling-fan-crowd. Great fun!
Haven't seen it at home since, and I doubt I ever will. It must be pretty boring with no audience

I understand everyone who hates Chernobyl Diaries, but I can't help it: I just loved it.. Tense and thrilling but also highly entertaining.

Kaijinu said...

You know what else I hate aout Chernobyl Diaries, other than theo ens you've mentioned? I really wanted it to be a slasher flick. It has the making of it, so why not just go with that instead of a damn psuedo-found footage...

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