The Vomit Gore Trilogy. For the fan of extreme horror cinema, it sounds intriguing. For the average movie fan, it sounds revolting and maybe a bit frightening. For Daniel, Joe, and I, collectively known as EC3, it was our maiden voyage. If you missed my last post, follow this link to find out what this EC3 thing is all about. We went into this with one understanding; once we started, we were in it for the long haul. No matter if they were the best or worst movies we’ve ever seen, we were watching all 3 ½ hours at once. We would come to regret that decision. What in the green hell was I thinking?
Director Lucifer Valentine’s Vomit Gore Trilogy consists of Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, ReGOREgitated Sacrifice (what an idiotic pun), and Slow Torture Puke Chamber. I knew nothing about these movies beforehand besides the fact that they involved real vomit. I printed out the synopsis of each film that appears on the back of the DVD, as I’d heard that the meaning was a bit hard to deduce from the films themselves. A bit. Yeah right. Hell, I’ve seen Begotten. It couldn’t be more pretentiously esoteric than that, right? Right? Wrong. Lucifer Valentine (hereafter referred to as LV) has a pretty intriguing story here. Too bad you’d never guess what the story is, or at least anything beyond the bare essentials, just from the movies themselves. Daniel said that he was pretty psyched about the flicks from reading the story synopsis. We all were. By the end of the night we would find ourselves struggling to make it to the end, not because we were repulsed by the bodily functions, but because the movies were just that tedious.
Slaughtered Vomit Dolls
The “story” – Angela Aberdeen runs away from home at age 14. She is molested by a priest, and makes a pact with Satan. She then burns down the church, becomes addicted to drugs, and develops bulimia. She becomes a stripper, porn star, and prostitute, all according to Satan’s plan. She then commits suicide by drowning herself in the bathtub.
What we actually see – A headache inducing 72-minute collage of random ridiculous camera angles, distorted voices, ambient noise, vomiting, the least appealing nudity of all time, and some pretty decent gore.
Where the hell do I start? This flick was a mess. It’s shot like a music video for an random second rate early 90’s industrial band. There is barely a shot that lasts for more than a second and a half. Rarely does anyone say something that isn’t slowed down or distorted. There's this incredibly irritating droning ambient noise throughout the flick. It gets REALLY irritating after about five minutes when you realize that it’s not going to stop. Some of the odd camera angles look decent. Most of them just look like the cameraman was just trying to be “artistic” and failing. It comes across like they were trying WAY too hard to be avant-garde, and it’s definitely an exercise in style over substance. The problem is, the style is annoying and the substance is nearly nonexistent.
We do get puking. Puking in toilets. Puking on glass tables. Puking everywhere. No one pukes on each other though. Yet. If you’re squeamish, this isn’t the flick for you. We were somewhat impressed when a guy named Hank Skinny showed up for no reason whatsoever, puked in a cup, drank it, puked it back up, drank it again, puked it back up, drank it, etc. That was pretty gross. Shocking? Not really. Gross? Yes.
There were a few sparks of brilliance here. The gore was extremely well done; it was just badly shot. There was one scene we all loved where a woman’s arm was cut off and then she was given a guitar and told to play it. What an inspired concept! The scene was bizarre, surreal, and absolutely hilarious. There was also one line said by Amera LaVey, who played Angela Aberdeen, which was brilliant; “I don’t know what’s left of me, but you can fuck it if you want to.” That’s one of those lines that, in one statement, convey exactly what state the character is in mentally and emotionally. That's some powerful, well written shit.
Speaking of Amera LaVey, according to LV, she was actually a porn star and stripper with a serious drug problem who entered into a 24/7 power exchange relationship with LV with the condition that while she lived with him and recovered she would do anything he said and be filmed constantly. Now I’m not sure how seriously I take LV’s word, as I have a suspicion that everything about him and his films might be a put on/meta-media prank, but if the shooting conditions are to be believed, I weep for the film that could have been. We all picked up on the fact that a lot of Angela’s heartbreaking statements were most likely autobiographical, as they had a sincerity to them that’s tough to fake. Had LV let her story develop more organically and made a “fictionalized documentary,” this could have been emotionally soul crushing. A shooting opportunity like that doesn’t come along every day. We watched her strip in a hotel room over and over and over. I get that as the repetition of being a hooker, etc, but there was so much farther they could have gone. Had the film not focused so much on avant-garde style and made the “shocking” imagery serve the story instead of overshadow it, SVD might have been a really good flick. Unfortunately, as it stands, it’s one of the biggest missed cinematic opportunities I’ve ever witnessed .
This is the exchange that took place when I asked Joe and Daniel for their post-flick comments…
J: The vomit? Not that offensive. If you’ve ever seen GG Allin concert footage, that wasn’t that bad.
D: I’ve dated a bulimic. It’s not terrible.
J: Or if you’re an alcoholic. You’re used to vomit.
D: I feel like the demonic voice thing was well over used. The gore was actually really good but the shaky camera lost a lot of its effect…and I got really tired of the same tits. I probably would not watch it again.
Joe: It could have made a really cool 10 minute short, but it was just a self indulgent masturbation of Lucifer Valentine’s ego and I kinda wish I had shot myself in the head instead of watching this, and I might since I have to sit through two more.
D: I don’t know what’s left of me after seeing that, but you can fuck it.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Random Thought 1: About an hour in someone shows up in a bald mask and cowboy hat. What’s that Joe? HOLY CRAP! You’re right; it’s Yul Brynner in his Westworld getup. While his presence in this movie definitely elevates it, it is kinda depressing to watch a Hollywood legend slumming it like this. Can’t someone find him some respectable work? Wait, is Yul taking off his cloth...um, actually Joe, I don’t think that’s Yul Brynner after all.
Random Thought 2: Daniel constantly wisecracking in a Borat voice went a long way towards making this flick watchable.
Random Thought 3: “Blisters” is the worst name for a hooker ever. EVER!
Come back tomorrow when we take on parts 2 and 3 of The Vomit Gore Trilogy. Does the series get better? Does it get worse? You'll find out soon enough.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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