Saturday, April 30, 2011

30 Day Horror Challenge Day 30 - Your favorite horror film of all time

So here we are, at the finale of round one of the 30 Day Horror Challenge. I'd like to thank all the new friends and readers I've found during this event, and I hope you'll stick around. Now that we've got that out of the way, I was having a little trouble with how to approach this post. During film school, I wrote extensively about my favorite movie of all time, the original Night of the Living Dead. No less than 10 different papers in fact. While my love for this movie knows no bounds, I had to do something different if I was going to write it again. Well, this is certainly different. The idea for this post came from a combination of my friend Travis and my mother, so if you don’t dig it, blame them. This is my attempt to tell the story of my favorite horror flick in the style of my childhood favorite author, the incomparable Dr. Seuss. So here it is folks, the Seussification of Night of the Living Dead…

“They’re coming to get you Barbara,”

Johnny said with a grin

“They’re coming for you,”

He teased again and again

But his words, they came true

When a zombie attacked.

Smacked his head on a tombstone

And Whack! His head cracked.

Barbara, run for your life!

Barbara, run for the car!

But Johnny’s got the keys,

So you ain’t running far.

Pull the brake! Now the car

Rolls straight into a tree.

And the zombie’s still coming.

Barbara, you’d better flee!

Run to that farmhouse,

That one off in the distance.

There are ghouls, but don’t worry,

You’ll have some assistance

From Ben, who arrives

Tire iron a’ swinging.

He’s pinging, and zinging’

And stinging , and bringing

Down all of the ghouls

With a blow to the head.

‘Cause that’s the only way

To stop the living dead.

Ben starts barricading.

Barbara gets hysterical.

Her ranting and raving,

Is downright unbearable.

She tries opening the door,

And that’s the last straw.

There’s just one thing to do,

Yep, right cross to the jaw!

Thank God she’s out cold.

That girl’s rambling was endless.

With her out of the way

Ben can get down to business.

BANG BANG BANG goes the hammer.

Board this place up tight!

BANG BANG BANG, they won’t

Be munching on us tonight.

But who is this now

Coming up from the cellar?

It’s Cooper, a loudmouthed

Balding ol’ feller.

His daughter Karen’s been bitten

She’s down there with her mom

And a cute teenaged couple

Named Judy and Tom.

Cooper says “To the cellar!”

(turns out he was right)

But Ben disagrees,

And the two start to fight.

“I won’t go in the cellar!

I won’t go, you hear?

You can be boss down there,

But I’m the boss up here.

That cellar’s a deathtrap,

A deathtrap I say.

If those things get in here,

Then we can’t get away.”

Hang on, there’s a TV,

Find out where help is at!

But all they heard was

“It has been established that

The recently deceased

While the body’s still fresh

Are returning to life

And seeking human flesh”

But there are rescue stations!

Our plan is now clear.

‘Cause Willard is just

Seventeen miles from here.

Ben’s got a truck

But the gas tank is dry.

There’s a pump, and it’s locked

But it’s still worth a try.

'Cause if we don’t go now,

Then we just might be stuck,

So Tom, Judy, and Ben

Go to gas up the truck.

Ben shoots the lock off the pump

With a .22

(Don’t try that at home kids,

It’s a dumb thing to do)

But Tom’s spilling the gas.

Now they’re all out of luck.

‘Cause Ben’s torch blazes on

In the back of the truck.

Then the truck goes KABOOM!

And the kids meet their doom

As a barbecue

The living dead will consume.

With his truck now en fuego

Ben runs for the house…

Wait a minute,

Was that zombie eating a mouse?

Ben yells “Let me In Cooper!”

But he won’t, it’s no use,

So then when Ben gets in,

That’s when all hell breaks loose.

Cooper tries for Ben’s gun

And gets shot in the fight,

Zombie Johnny drags Barbara

Off into the night,

Karen munches on Daddy,

Who she’s disemboweled,

And stabs mommy again

And again with a trowel.

The boards start to give

And the zombies flood in.

Bolt yourself in the cellar

Or you’ll get eaten Ben!

Come morning, an army

Of rednecks with guns

Are hunting down zombies,

Shooting every last one.

And I really must say,

It looks like lots of fun.

Ben hears gunshots and thinks

Hooray! Help has arrived!

He comes upstairs, thinking

He actually survived.


Through the window he looks

Just like the living dead

So the redneck takes aim

And shoots Ben in the head.

That’s the end of the story

Ben’s the last to expire

Our hero’s now just

Another one for the fire.

Where do we go from here,

As we watch mankind fall?

If you’re asking me, I say

We go to the mall.

Night of the Living Dead

A masterpiece, there’s no doubt.

Two severed thumbs up.

Nathan says check it out!

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