Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Review: Death-Scort Service

You may find this hard to believe, but the Son of Celluloid has, once or twice, been accused of being a movie snob.  I know, right?  Usually it’s when I’m proclaiming my love for something artsy-fartsy and high-concept.  Now don’t get me wrong.  While I have always loved the grindhouse, somewhere in the process of getting a film studies degree I developed an appreciation for the arthouse.  Sure, I love Jason and Freddy.  I love Kwaidan too, though.  Maybe a little Santa Sangre.  Even pretentious as hell stuff like Hour of the Wolf.  But sometimes, you want to dispense with all of the fancy bullshit and bask in as much gratuitous nudity and violence as possible.  We all love a good steak, but dammit, you’re craving a Whopper.  In other words, you want the simple pleasures.  And that’s where Death-Scort Service comes in.
Synopsis: Someone is killing hookers.

Yep.  That’s all the synopsis I’m giving you.  Why?  Because you’ll know from that if this is your type of flick.  Death-Scort Service isn’t particularly long on plot.  It doesn’t need to be.  It delivers exactly what you want from a flick like this, naked chicks getting dead.  And let me tell you, it offers up just that in abundance and to excess.
Let’s start with the nudity, shall we?  I would say that there is an at least semi-naked woman on screen for about 87% of the movie.  Yeah, I just pulled that number out of thin air, but it’s a pretty good estimate.  It’s definitely the “beyond R-rated” variety of nudity.  Not XXX, but pretty graphic.  Most of the actresses playing the non-clad ladies of ill repute are of the “Suicide Girl” variety, which is right up my alley.  Hell, this was a collaborative effort between Gatorblade Films and Sleaze Box.  With the SB boys involved, you know what you’re in for.  Naughty bits on display.  What’s not to love about that?
As for the gore, it’s exactly the kind of stuff that fans of low budget splatter (like me) eat up.  Low-fi and practical, just the way we like it.  A copious amount of the red stuff goes flying, dripping, and running.  Skin and entrails too.  This is the gore you loved in all of your favorite video store nasties.  Besides, Marcus Koch is involved, so you know it’s gotta be good.  I don’t want to get into details so as not to give any of the kills away, but suffice it to say they’re quite satisfying.  Well, except for one.  SLIGHT SPOILER:  There is one scene involving barbed wire.  Unfortunately, they used the same bad $5.99 fake barbed wire that you can get at any Party City.  It’s a shame, too.  Otherwise it’s a really cool, depraved scene that could have been legendary.  It might not bother some, but as a bit of an authority on barbed wire from my deathmatch work, that stood out like a sore thumb to me.  There is better prop barbed wire out there, guys.
Having discussed the gory and sexy stuff, the other aspects of the film are better than your average underground filth fest.  The acting is about what you’d expect from a flick like this.  Performances from the ladies range from “Damn, she’s pretty good” to “Damn, it’s a good thing she’s pretty.”  There are also appearances by two guys that are always welcome additions to any flick, Sleaze Box stalwart Bob Glazier and indie legend Joel Wynkoop.  The final twist/reveal of the killer’s identity works well.  I actually didn’t see it coming, which is saying something.  79 minutes is an optimum length, and the pace is pretty much perfect.

This movie manages to do exactly what a lot of the films of its ilk attempt but fail at; go to extremes with the graphic nudity and violence while capturing the feeling of a late 80’s/early 90’s shot on video gem.  As we saw with Die Die Delta Pi, director Sean Donohue has a firm grasp on what it takes to make an enjoyable slasher flick.  We’ve all been burned by films with great names that don’t live up to the promise of their titular glory.  I know exactly what you’re looking for from a flick called Death-Scort Service, and you need not worry.  It delivers the goods.  Death-Scort Service is sleazy, dirty, bloody, mean, nasty fun.  Nathan says check it out.

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