The Horror Movie Darwin Awards#27: Random Biker in Dawn of the Dead

We all know the story. A band of survivors holes up inside of a mall. A gang of bikers, (led by Tom Savini) invades, looking to loot that mall. Let’s look at this from the biker’s point of view for a moment. They are in a very unique predicament. The mall is crawling with zombies. Obviously the bikers don’t consider the zombies a very serious threat. They’re pie facing, seltzer spraying, and pick pocketing the undead. Still, they know that they are potentially dangerous. On top of the zombies, you have people shooting at you and trying to defend their hiding place. With bullets flying and zombies shambling, this is a situation where remaining stationary might be a bad idea. Putting yourself in a position where you can’t move if you wanted to would be stupid, right? Well, guess what this biker did…

A blood pressure machine? Really? Now? Now don’t get me wrong, your heart is something you should definitely strive to keep healthy, and keeping tabs on your blood pressure is an important part of that. In the middle of a combination shootout/zombie apocalypse might not be the best time to do it though. In fact, that just might be the worst time possible. When did outlaw bikers get so health conscious anyway? One thing I did notice was the price on the blood pressure machine. You find these in every grocery store now for free, but at the time they were a novelty. This one cost 50 cents to use. 50 cents! In 1978. That’s the equivalent of $1.78 today. Hell, at the time a pack of cigarettes cost 36 cents and a gallon of gas was 67 cents. Amazing. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, the stupid biker. Why would you put a limb into something that will immobilize you with people shooting and zombies wanting to munch on you? How’d that work out for you?

Luckily his pal stopped him before the cuff inflated with the words “Come on man. What the hell you doin’? Someone’s out there shooting at us.” So no one died in this one, but every time I watch Dawn of the Dead I can’t help shaking my head at this imbecile. Congratulations random biker, you are today’s winner by virtue of your choosing the absolute worst moment humanly imaginable to all of a sudden become concerned about your cardiovascular health. Way to go dumbass!