I’ve never been shy about
the fact that vampires are fairly low on my movie monster totem pole. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of the sanguine
cinema that’s out there, but there are rare vamp gems like Near Dark or
Leif Jonker’s Darkness that I absolutely love. It was in the search for these blood diamonds in the rough that I
decided to watch two vampire flicks back to back. One is Blood For Irina, the debut film from Fangoria
editor and Jack (the Ripper) of all horror trades, Chris Alexander. The other is Dracula’s Orgy of the Damned,
an irresistibly titled low budget romp from Great Lakes Artist Group. In hindsight, I could not have chosen two
more widely divergent flicks. So, did
they suck veins dry or just suck? Let’s
start with Irina, shall we?
Synopsis: Irina is
dying. A predator who stalks streets at night looking for blood, she has lived
over a century; tormented by memory, living in a run-down motel by the sea,
Irina has reached the end. Her perceptions skewed, her body and mind revolting
against themselves, she waits for an exit. Her private hell is echoed by the
motel manager, driven by an obsession to protect Irina and keep her secrets
safe, and a broken prostitute whose desperate plight may be worse than Irina's.
It's the tale of three people living a life on the fringe, trapped in world of
literal and figurative decay.
A lot of people have
compared this to the vampire films of 70’s eurotrash auteurs like Jess Franco
and Jean Rollin. While the
hallucinatory, dream like qualities do call this era to mind, particularly
Rollin’s work, I think the comparison is a little too broad. Those flicks were steeped in sexuality. I don’t get that feeling from Irina. While some of the bloodletting could be
interpreted that way if that’s what you’re looking for, this a movie about
addiction and death. There is no
nudity, and all of the scenes of Irina feeding have all of the eroticism of
watching a junkie shoot up. I love the
blood and bush flicks of Franco’s heyday as much, if not more, than anybody,
but this ain’t one of those. I think
that comparison is made more out of not having anything else to compare it
to. It strikes me as more experimental
than throwback.
This is the kind of cinema
that my film school professors all had a hard on for; an existential character
study that leaves room for interpretation.
It’s obvious that the plot isn’t the point. It’s all in the metaphors, but it’s left ambiguous as to what the
metaphors are. As I said, I took it to
be the story of a world-weary blood fiend and the crippling loneliness,
repetition, and meaninglessness that comes with that existence; a truth which
easily transfers to the mortal realm. I
can also see a slew of alternate interpretations that are just as poignant and
thought provoking. This isn’t so much
psychological horror as it is horrific psychology.
I like a lot of what
Alexander has done here. He’s really
got an eye for interesting shot composition and cool imagery. The score is exactly what the movie called
for. From ambient, droning noise to the
perfect placement of a couple of beautiful classical pieces, it just
works. He uses a handheld camera the
way it is meant to be used. The motion
is fluid and dynamic without ever devolving into shaky-cam. A lot of other filmmakers could learn from
that. I can’t say enough about the
locations. The decrepit hotel that
serves as Irina’s home base is an absolute treasure. According to the commentary track, they did no set dressing at
all. They found it that way. That was an incredible stroke of luck,
because I don’t know if the greatest art directors in Hollywood could have come
up with this crumbling monument to decay.
The streets that she stalks were chosen perfectly, and the deserted
beach strikes a perfect balance between beauty and despair. The setting almost becomes a character in
and of itself.
This is not a movie for
everyone, though. It’s slow. Glacially slow. Sometimes painfully slow.
Even the half of the movie that isn’t in slow motion feels like it
is. It seems much longer than its 70
minutes. Viewers looking for a
traditional vampire movie and those who prefer flicks that move at a swift clip
will find it frustrating. I’m one of
those people who generally accepts movies on their own terms, and even I had to
fight the urge to hit the fast forward button from time to time. Alexander states on the commentary track
that he intended for Irina to be a challenging slog to get through. It’s almost a form of confrontational
cinema. In the end I think it
works. Cutting a few minutes definitely
would have made it more palatable to the masses, but it would have made it a
fundamentally different movie.
Blood for Irina is a film that a lot of people aren’t going to
get, and I think Alexander likes it that way.
Visually, it’s gorgeous. It’s
emotionally evocative. The score is
splendid (still bringing that word back).
The beyond-gradual pace will put a lot of horror fans off; but those who
can keep an open mind, take the ride, and appreciate what Alexander and his
crew were attempting will find it a worthwhile venture. You really have to be in the right frame of
mind to appreciate a movie like this.
Apparently I was, because I did.
On the opposite side of
the coin we have Dracula’s Orgy of the Damned. If Irina is arthouse, Orgy is outhouse. Sweet
Mother of Hell, this movie is awful. I
dig crappy movies, and there were some moments that made me really want to like
this one, but it ventured a little too far into “so bad it’s bad” territory a
few times.
Synopsis: The young and beautiful country girl
Patricia witne… ah screw it. The
official synopsis sounds like it’s talking about an entirely different movie,
so I’ll just tell you what happens in my own words. Minor spoilers are ahead, but it all makes so little sense that
it doesn’t really matter.
Synopsis: Our host,
Lord Victor Flemming (who will pop up between every scene in a vain attempt to
tie the story together) introduces us to the tale of Patricia. Hot Topic Dracula killed Patricia’s family
when she was but a wee lass and reappears years later at her shrink’s office. After enduring an exorcism, Patricia decides
to even the score. Meanwhile, Drac is
using his immense powers to make goth chicks get topless and rub blood all over
each other. In all fairness, that’s
pretty much exactly what I would do with immense power too. Anyway, he then pops up in some redneck’s
backyard to enjoy watching a meeting of Catfight Club. Once winter falls, Patricia finally hunts
down Dracula and his number one minion for a showdown at his castle. Ten years later, two students from
Miskatonic University meet with a professor and his mentally handicapped
brother (who talks through a leprechaun dummy). They send the girls to Crooked Hollow, Massachusetts. Apparently that’s where Castle Dracula
is. They arrive, check into a bed and
breakfast run by a ghetto voodoo lady, and encounter the Wolfman. Somewhere, a completely unrelated character
gets turned into a werewolf (I think).
When the girls follow a guy in a bad Grim Reaper getup (named Reaper
Madness, which is admittedly kinda clever) to a ruined castle, we’re treated to
about 10 minutes girls screaming in the dark, which is how I’m gonna send the
next month and a half. What? No, it’s
because I work at a haunted house. Get
your minds out of the gutter, perverts.
If that synopsis sounds
disjointed and just plain batshit bonkers, that’s because it is. Nothing in this movie makes sense. The Dracula stuff is treated fairly
seriously, then the tone shifts into annoyingly jokey mode. The acting is bad, the dialogue is bad, the
effects are bad, the soundtrack is bad, the lighting is bad, the camera work is
bad, and the story is bad. I bet the
catering was bad. That’s not to say that I
hated this movie. As a trash connoisseur,
I found things to dig here. I loved
every second Lord Flemming was onscreen.
That guy should be a horror host.
I would watch the hell out of that.
A couple of the sets, mainly those involving Flemming, were cool. Most of all, it has that madcap energy that
only micro budget backyard outings like this have. That’s what makes them fun.
It also had plenty of those “um, ok” moments that you only get from
these movies, like…
 |
| And now, young Skywalker... you will die. |
- Dracula wielding blue Force
Lightning, Return of the Jedi style.
- The most powerful
vampire on Earth bursting into flames after a splash of holy water. Seriously, it’s a little splash. Most people wouldn’t even get pissed if you
threw this much water on them. They’d
just look at you like you’re crazy.
- A hilarious attempt at a
subliminal scare a-la the Exorcist reissue.
- People battling with weapons like spray painted
nerf guns (complete with awful CGI muzzle flash) and that Party City skull
pitchfork thing sans stick.
- Gratuitous big black dick
balloon animal. Yep, you heard that
right.
- In my favorite moment of the
film, Lord Flemming spending a full 20 seconds jogging down a staircase and
traversing the lawn just to deliver the line “Patricia begins her path of
revenge.”
A lot is forgivable in
this type of film. You kinda know what
you’re in for. What is not forgivable
is for the disc to barely work. The
copy I got was from Cheezy Flicks (how apropos), and it continually skipped and
froze despite the disc itself being pristine and scratch free. I tried it on three different players, and
it did the same thing every time. This
being the first screener I’ve reviewed from this distributor, I can’t say
whether or not it is an isolated incident.
I can say that I would have been one very disgruntled customer had I
paid for it.
If I were to draw any comparison between Blood
For Irina and Dracula’s Orgy of the Damned, it would be that their
audiences lie in groups outside of the horror mainstream. Irina will be too slow for the average
viewer, but fans of avant-garde, artsy horror will eat it up. Orgy is WAY too schlocky for most,
but if you’re the type to get tanked with like-minded friends and laugh at a
low-rent fringe flick, this is for you.
Or, if you like it all (like me), get ‘em both and go from one end of
the bloodsucker spectrum to the other in less than three hours. Blood for Irina gets 8 arterial
geysers out of 10. Dracula’s Orgy of
the Damned gets 3 cardboard fish gods out of 10. Nathan says check ‘em both out and support independent horror!
In yesterday's post, I told you all to get your minds out of the gutter. Well, now I want you to put them right back because we're getting dirty today. That's right, SOC is giving away smut! Here's your chance to win your very own copy of Driller: A Sexual Thriller courtesy of Wild Eye Releasing.
.JPG)
